"Don't know how it got so crazy..."

Sang Brian Litrell in "Back to your Heart".

Mum's been gone two weeks.
I've been locked inside this house for two weeks.
(Except for when I have work).
I'm slowly going insane.

I've shunned my responsibilities and duties today.
I feel like crying.
...and possibly running away.

It's Quasimodo's birthday next Wednesday.
I got excited and asked Trousersnake to get his address.
I then re-read some of Quasimodo's writing, and remembered...
His grandfather passed away on the 25th...
Do I act all Spazlish? Or treat it like it's any random person's birthday?

I had the worst freudian slip with him last night.
He told me he'd slap me, and I called him a wife beater.
Cue the awkward silence, and eventually he had to go.
I haven't spoken to him since.

I'm dying for some emotional comfort at the moment, and I dont want to call him.
I hate calling him all the time, and waiting for his calls.
I hate not knowin where I stand with him.

Oh great, The sisters just had some sort of argument and got dad involved.
And who got the blame? Yes, me...
I finally asked my dad, on a serious level, whether I could move out next year.
He said, what's the point if you're going to live in the same city.
That answered my question, didn't it?

I've been planning a trip to London since January.. I initially planned for June.. I wasn't allowed..
The summer's going, and I'm dying for a break.

Older sister is getting too involved in my life,
and with everything, she keeps bringing up Islam.
She wants to enforce her opinions and beliefs on me.
Why doesn't she accept what I like and don't like?
She wants me to marry a Joydeep (google Star Plus - Kyunki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi..)...
I don't even want to think of marriage...
I want to have fun, fall in lust, in like, and in love...
I want to feel what it's like to be totally happy with someone, and then I also want to know what it's like to feel heart broken...
I want to bump and grind with someone I like, who's not a girl and my best mate.
Us four siblings went out for a meal, and I wanted to wear my skirt, but I wore leggings underneath. She made me change.
So what if she doesn't show anything except her head. I want to flaunt what I've got.
The hijab didn't liberate me.
Everyone has commented on how I'm different without the hijab.
The minute I take it off, I feel more confident, and it shows.

I have an appointment with the Doctors about my penetration problem.
The worry has kept me up at nights...
How do I tell someone that I'm an undercover horny bitch?
That I get wet everytime I'm in a 5 metre radius of a male, or a very hawt female?
That I have playtime nearly every night?
That I'm too scared to put anything inside me, myself... but I guess I'm too scared subconciously to even let anyone else do it?
The fact that she's Asian, and I go to a surgery in my local community doesn't help.
I'm scared... and no one can hold my hand.
Because about from Bin Walid and Quasimodo no one knows...


I need lots of hugs.
Not virtual ones..
I want real ones.