January usually is a quiet month, for me.
It involves a few exams, the 'flu and lots of comfort eating.
Considering I started the year off in a different way, I should've expected that the month itself wouldn't be so normal.
After coming back from the wedding on New Year's Day, I slept.
I slept pretty much a good 15 hours everyday for a week, knowing fully well I had an exam on the 8th.
Cue the panic on the 7th.
I stayed in the university library until 10pm that night... and I still didn't manage to research the case study.
Oops.
That's pretty much how the revision for the rest of my exams went.
I spent the exam period with Keeta, and went shopping and bought lots of useless things.
The following week, I spent with Kumar.
Cue the hilariousity and money wasting.
Minge was there, too.
They forced me out one Saturday evening... whilst I was greasy and hairy.
and they got me, what felt like something, tipsy.
I didn't like it.
I had an argument with 'Modo.
Well, not an argument really...
I uploaded a picture on FB... of my arm... with the bruises he gave me...
and I tagged him in it...
Oh, the drama!
Instead of telling me what was wrong, he decided not to tell me anything at all.
...and so I spent a whole week wondering why he hadn't returned my calls, and why he didn't text to wish me good luck in my exams and so on...
In the end, a silly text sent to him by mistake, made him call me and apologise...
Since then, he's been really cute and adorable... and keeps promising cuddles for when we next meet.
...which was meant to be the 30th, but Sod's Law meant that it didn't happen.
Many nights were spent on the phone to Kumar, regarding a certain TV.
*rolls eyes*
What a manipulative cry baby bitch.
He wanted to get with Kumar, thinking she's easy... and I just realised how typical and evil he is.
Thank goodness, neither one of us wanted "something" with him.
That's one person I'm glad not to count as a friend anymore.
I've spent two solid weeks watching DVDs every night, and spending a tenner on taxi fare from Kumar's house to mine at night.
Shit...
But, I've enjoyed myself... I really value her friendship, and I'm grateful I have her...
Finch, on the other hand, can go lick her phlange out.
I do not like her.
I know that's a terrible thing to say, but she annoys me.
She's not done anything directly horrible to me... but she annoys me.
I don't want to bitch about her, that much, so I'll leave it.
During wedding season, I discovered that Chayma's best friend was sNaKe...
Cue the probing and the questions... "What happened?" "Why don't you speak anymore?" etc etc...
Recently, I recieved a telephone call from SlagFace... apparently sNaKe's leaving to go back to the Motherland for 8 weeks... and he wants to say bye...
:
Right.
That's just what I need right now...
Another person who's drifted away to come back for only two seconds to say bye.
I didn't even get to speak to him, I was only granted a text...
I never got to tell him how much I missed him, and how special he was to me... and how everytime I get time alone to myself, I reminisc and regret my thinking...
I came across a few cool blogs to read, to keep me busy during those rare hours when I have nothing to do (usually in the weekends, when I'm locked up at home, pretending to be the good girl that I am)
Todger talk, and Bete de Jour.
I will link them, eventually!
(I'm on another computer, which doesn't have my favourites on it, and I can't be bothered to google them...)
But, Bete de Jour is lovely, from what I can make from his writing, and one of the guys on Todger Talk is absolutely hilarious. I think it's the Porno Mag man...
I love him..
Oooh, Uni gossip..
There's a man who lives in the library...
I'll tell you about him another time...
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
...Fear...
I've always been scared.
My first scary memory is when I still lived up North, and I used to think a murderer/burglar/ghost/monster was hiding in between the two inch gap underneath my parents' bed.
I was probably four.
Nothing has changed really, I'm now scared of what might be hiding in the tiny gap underneath my bed, ready to pounce on me at any moment.
When I was eleven, I watched the Exorcist, and I laughed all the way through.
What a waste of time, I said, as the credits rolled.
I couldn't sleep that night.
I haven't had many decent night's sleep since.
In Islam, there are beings called Jinns.
You can closely translate it to the English "Ghost".
I've been brought up with stories of these Jinns.
Jinns, and Black Magic and Witches that live in trees.
As Muslims, you're meant to believe in them.
When I went back to my parents' native country, apparently I was "caught by a ghost".
I changed completely; the way I interacted with my family, my mood, my apetite, my routine.
I was a 14 year old adolescent.
Apparently that doesn't make any difference to my culture.
From an early age, I stopped going to the bathroom at night.
Something to do with "Bloody Mary".
Even if my bladder was bursting, I wouldn't go to the bathroom.
I have my daily showers in the day time, and I've even scheduled my body to need the toilet in daylight hours.
When I brush my teeth at night, I make sure someone else is in the bathroom with me.
...and that they're talking.
I don't want them to suddenly become possessed the one minute I'm not paying attention.
My older sister is still used to me calling "Mummy" at 4am in the dark.
Since I was 4 or 5, she used to wake up and tell me not to be stupid, and that I only had a nightmare.
She still tells me not to be stupid, and that it's all in my imagination.
For a while, I used to use the Protection Prayer ( Ayat-ul-Qursi) to calm me down.
But then I had a nightmare, in which I kept reciting it wrong.
Since then, it's not worked.
Many nights, I stay awake, frozen in my bed, with that prayer going over and over in my head.
The passage light has never been switched off, because I know I'll get scared.
I chose the room with the roadlight outside the window.
My phone never leaves my hand at night, just in case I have to call 999 (if it's a murderer or burglar) or my house phone (if it's a ghost and I need my parents to come).
Every single night, I go through the motions of checking my room for any pictures.
Any magazines, posters, or leaflets get turned over so I can't see any faces.
Any mirrors left lying around are covered up with clothes.
Teddies are hidden at the back of cupboards.
Yet, I still get scared.
I still see faces.
I still shake and shivver.
I still cry.
Why am I so afraid?
Why can't I shake this fear off?
Does anyone know what I can do?
I can't take it much longer.
My first scary memory is when I still lived up North, and I used to think a murderer/burglar/ghost/monster was hiding in between the two inch gap underneath my parents' bed.
I was probably four.
Nothing has changed really, I'm now scared of what might be hiding in the tiny gap underneath my bed, ready to pounce on me at any moment.
When I was eleven, I watched the Exorcist, and I laughed all the way through.
What a waste of time, I said, as the credits rolled.
I couldn't sleep that night.
I haven't had many decent night's sleep since.
In Islam, there are beings called Jinns.
You can closely translate it to the English "Ghost".
I've been brought up with stories of these Jinns.
Jinns, and Black Magic and Witches that live in trees.
As Muslims, you're meant to believe in them.
When I went back to my parents' native country, apparently I was "caught by a ghost".
I changed completely; the way I interacted with my family, my mood, my apetite, my routine.
I was a 14 year old adolescent.
Apparently that doesn't make any difference to my culture.
From an early age, I stopped going to the bathroom at night.
Something to do with "Bloody Mary".
Even if my bladder was bursting, I wouldn't go to the bathroom.
I have my daily showers in the day time, and I've even scheduled my body to need the toilet in daylight hours.
When I brush my teeth at night, I make sure someone else is in the bathroom with me.
...and that they're talking.
I don't want them to suddenly become possessed the one minute I'm not paying attention.
My older sister is still used to me calling "Mummy" at 4am in the dark.
Since I was 4 or 5, she used to wake up and tell me not to be stupid, and that I only had a nightmare.
She still tells me not to be stupid, and that it's all in my imagination.
For a while, I used to use the Protection Prayer ( Ayat-ul-Qursi) to calm me down.
But then I had a nightmare, in which I kept reciting it wrong.
Since then, it's not worked.
Many nights, I stay awake, frozen in my bed, with that prayer going over and over in my head.
The passage light has never been switched off, because I know I'll get scared.
I chose the room with the roadlight outside the window.
My phone never leaves my hand at night, just in case I have to call 999 (if it's a murderer or burglar) or my house phone (if it's a ghost and I need my parents to come).
Every single night, I go through the motions of checking my room for any pictures.
Any magazines, posters, or leaflets get turned over so I can't see any faces.
Any mirrors left lying around are covered up with clothes.
Teddies are hidden at the back of cupboards.
Yet, I still get scared.
I still see faces.
I still shake and shivver.
I still cry.
Why am I so afraid?
Why can't I shake this fear off?
Does anyone know what I can do?
I can't take it much longer.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Two Double Oh Seven.
What a year.
It started in illness and ended in illness.
Scandal, Gossip, Drama.
College, Community and WWW.
RatBoy.
Quasimodo.
KbinWalid.
I don't even remember how I started talking to Modo.
It was the Monday before my birthday that he made me come.
Since then, I've been falling.
Summer time was a mixed bag of Lucky Dips.
Mi Madre had to go off and we had to stay and hold down the fortress.
That Summer I found my older sister.
I also held down a job for three or four months.
But I hated it.
So I left.
October saw the birth of the Uni-Ness.
How I hate it.
2007 was the year I made the decision to leave religion.
The beginning of my journey.
It was also the year I took my first acoholic drink.
Had my first orgasm.
Stayed in a place full of guys in a different city.
Discovered my other side.
Became an official tease.
I guess Double 07 was the year of many beginnings.
I hope double Oh Eight isn't the year of endings.
It started in illness and ended in illness.
Scandal, Gossip, Drama.
College, Community and WWW.
RatBoy.
Quasimodo.
KbinWalid.
I don't even remember how I started talking to Modo.
It was the Monday before my birthday that he made me come.
Since then, I've been falling.
Summer time was a mixed bag of Lucky Dips.
Mi Madre had to go off and we had to stay and hold down the fortress.
That Summer I found my older sister.
I also held down a job for three or four months.
But I hated it.
So I left.
October saw the birth of the Uni-Ness.
How I hate it.
2007 was the year I made the decision to leave religion.
The beginning of my journey.
It was also the year I took my first acoholic drink.
Had my first orgasm.
Stayed in a place full of guys in a different city.
Discovered my other side.
Became an official tease.
I guess Double 07 was the year of many beginnings.
I hope double Oh Eight isn't the year of endings.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Rendezvous with Silly Quasi...
I remember when I met him in May. How he brought me to the brink of an orgasm...
The way his fingers found mine, and the way they easily knitted together with mine.
Him playing with strands of my hair, as I sat in his car, embarrassed...
When he took me in to the middle of the "forest" and started playing with me.
I saw him on Thursday... Six months after...
We knew what was on the agenda. I wore red lingerie with black ribbon, and black stockings and suspender belt.
It was very cold that day, so I decided to dress very casually, conservative. No legs, boobs or skin on show.
He'd put on a bit of weight since I saw him last. But, he's still got his nyummy stubble, and firm strong arms.
He took me to Selfridges to eat at Yo! Sushi, what a load of bullhype. It wasn't anything special. ..and my stomach problems meant I couldn't eat as much as I would've liked.
I wasn't allowed to touch him, hold hands, hug him or anything whilst we were out and about. The girl, or her friends might see... Yet, when we sat down, it was perfectly fine for him to stroke my thighs under the table?
The minute we got into the car, his hands were all over me... His fingers tracing patterns over my collar bone, my thighs, my stomach...
He gave me two options, go shopping or get lost for a bit... He then said there was an alternative... We could get a room... So which one did I choose?
He sped to the hotel, not wanting to waste any time. I started getting excited already, my panties were starting to get a bit damp. He got the room key, and we stepped in to the elevator. Cue the cliche-ness. The doors closed, and we were all over each other. They opened, and we darted to different sides of the lift.
The moment we stepped in the room, he didn't give me time to take my coat off or put my bag down... He kissed me... Violently, passionately. He forced my bag from my hand, and let it drop to the floor with a loud thud. My coat was taken off and chucked on the table... He pressed into the small of my back. "Can you feel me, Ness?" He was hard.. Very hard. I started to throb even more.
I was moved to a position where we could see our reflections in the mirror. My hat was falling off, my hair a mess. His eyes looking at me hungrily. What a perve.
LoL.
"Show me your stockings,"
He unzipped my jeans, and pulled them down, bending me over the bed. My heels flung over each shoulder.
"Wow" His hands caressed and massaged my arse.
"Stand up on the bed," I looked at him with a questioning look. "Nessy, stand up on the bed, now."
I did as I was told, and he made me turn around and face the wall. I felt him finger the netted material of my knickers, then I felt a kiss, two kisses. His stubble rubbing against my smooth skin. His buried his nose into the crease, whilst he kissed me. Swiftly, he turned me around, so that I was facing him...
All of a sudden, I remembered where I was, and felt embarrassed that I had been enjoying him between my thighs, and that I was being very vocal about it. He looked at me and smirked, and went on to touch and caress me...
I closed my eyes and let myself just feel. For the first time, ever, I didn't have to worry about people hearing me, and I didn't need to suppress any noises that escaped my voice box. ...and he seemed to enjoy it.
"Oh my God, Ness, you're really wet."
His fingers fluttered against me, and my knees were turning to jelly. He brought me down to kneel on the bed, and kissed my face, my neck, and shoulder. He then pushed me down. My head hit the wall, and he immediately cupped my face with his hands and kissed me. Two extra pillows were placed under my head; I felt so safe.
He went back to playing with me, touching and feeling. He asked if I felt alright to have his finger in... and I said I needed to get more wet, it was too early. His eyes nearly popped out, apparently, I was incredibly wet already.
"Do you want my tongue down there?" He grinned and moved down the bed... I could feel him watching me, and the shyness came back. I turned to bury my face in the pillow, and he chuckled. I giggled as well, "You're such a perve" and I reached down to cover his eyes. He just kissed me harder on my thigh, making me let go and groan in pleasure.
He took my knickers off and threw them to one side, and started flicking his tongue over my clit. I was in ecstasy. I had wanted to be licked out for so long. ..and I was glad it was Quasimodo who was lapping up at me. His stubble kept rubbing against my groin and in turn, I started grinding against his face.
My legs were lifted up over his shoulders and he lifted my bum up and held them in place with his hands. Heaven couldn't feel as good as I felt then. He laid me back on the bed, reached under me and turned me over... and started using his fingers as well as licking me.
...I stopped thinking about anything, and felt almost dizzy, and that's when I felt it. A finger stroking my arsehole, and then slowly entering me. It didn't feel amazing, but it didn't feel wrong. I let him carry on, and then it just got painful. He let go immediately, and carried on using his tongue. He wrapped his strong big arms around my thighs and lifted me higher, his tongue becoming more firm and his sucking more harsher. My breathing became more and more shallow, and I was clutching at anything to make it stop.
Why?
I have no idea.
I could feel myself get closer, my body was tingling and I felt like I was having an asthma attack. LoL.
*Bang Bang Bang*
Someone was knocking on the door, never have I moved so quickly in my life. Quasi was up in a flash, too. I hid in the corner of the room, whilst he went near the door... and we waited and listened.
"It's only the hoover."
We both started laughing. A lot.
He took me by both arms and led me to the bed. "I love how quickly you get wet for me, Ness Bitch"
He took his jeans off, and looked at me to see if I was ok with it. I smiled to reassure him. He smiled back and took his dick out. I was expecting something small, from the way he always talked about it. Average size, I guess, but very thick. It looked like the nose of one of the Racoons... Lmao.
"That's so big!" I stared at it, wide eyed. He started rubbing it up and down my lips. It felt so soft, so smooth. I immediately starting to become wet again. He let out a sigh, that made me feel .. good! He spread my legs apart, and lowered himself down on me. His lips brushed against my nipples, and I noticed, that for the first time they actually looked normal. He caught me looking, and grinned. "You get off from watching, don't you?"
The last time we met was very rushed. Very cramped... and very amazing.
The cows were our audience, and the farmland our stage.
I came in costume, leopard print. Lol.
He slid his finger in me with ease this time, and I enjoyed it.
Actually that was an understatement.
It's been two months since we last met, and I've been craving him.
I want to feel his arms holding me, his rough stubble against my skin...
I want to feel him inside.
The way his fingers found mine, and the way they easily knitted together with mine.
Him playing with strands of my hair, as I sat in his car, embarrassed...
When he took me in to the middle of the "forest" and started playing with me.
I saw him on Thursday... Six months after...
We knew what was on the agenda. I wore red lingerie with black ribbon, and black stockings and suspender belt.
It was very cold that day, so I decided to dress very casually, conservative. No legs, boobs or skin on show.
He'd put on a bit of weight since I saw him last. But, he's still got his nyummy stubble, and firm strong arms.
He took me to Selfridges to eat at Yo! Sushi, what a load of bullhype. It wasn't anything special. ..and my stomach problems meant I couldn't eat as much as I would've liked.
I wasn't allowed to touch him, hold hands, hug him or anything whilst we were out and about. The girl, or her friends might see... Yet, when we sat down, it was perfectly fine for him to stroke my thighs under the table?
The minute we got into the car, his hands were all over me... His fingers tracing patterns over my collar bone, my thighs, my stomach...
He gave me two options, go shopping or get lost for a bit... He then said there was an alternative... We could get a room... So which one did I choose?
He sped to the hotel, not wanting to waste any time. I started getting excited already, my panties were starting to get a bit damp. He got the room key, and we stepped in to the elevator. Cue the cliche-ness. The doors closed, and we were all over each other. They opened, and we darted to different sides of the lift.
The moment we stepped in the room, he didn't give me time to take my coat off or put my bag down... He kissed me... Violently, passionately. He forced my bag from my hand, and let it drop to the floor with a loud thud. My coat was taken off and chucked on the table... He pressed into the small of my back. "Can you feel me, Ness?" He was hard.. Very hard. I started to throb even more.
I was moved to a position where we could see our reflections in the mirror. My hat was falling off, my hair a mess. His eyes looking at me hungrily. What a perve.
LoL.
"Show me your stockings,"
He unzipped my jeans, and pulled them down, bending me over the bed. My heels flung over each shoulder.
"Wow" His hands caressed and massaged my arse.
"Stand up on the bed," I looked at him with a questioning look. "Nessy, stand up on the bed, now."
I did as I was told, and he made me turn around and face the wall. I felt him finger the netted material of my knickers, then I felt a kiss, two kisses. His stubble rubbing against my smooth skin. His buried his nose into the crease, whilst he kissed me. Swiftly, he turned me around, so that I was facing him...
All of a sudden, I remembered where I was, and felt embarrassed that I had been enjoying him between my thighs, and that I was being very vocal about it. He looked at me and smirked, and went on to touch and caress me...
I closed my eyes and let myself just feel. For the first time, ever, I didn't have to worry about people hearing me, and I didn't need to suppress any noises that escaped my voice box. ...and he seemed to enjoy it.
"Oh my God, Ness, you're really wet."
His fingers fluttered against me, and my knees were turning to jelly. He brought me down to kneel on the bed, and kissed my face, my neck, and shoulder. He then pushed me down. My head hit the wall, and he immediately cupped my face with his hands and kissed me. Two extra pillows were placed under my head; I felt so safe.
He went back to playing with me, touching and feeling. He asked if I felt alright to have his finger in... and I said I needed to get more wet, it was too early. His eyes nearly popped out, apparently, I was incredibly wet already.
"Do you want my tongue down there?" He grinned and moved down the bed... I could feel him watching me, and the shyness came back. I turned to bury my face in the pillow, and he chuckled. I giggled as well, "You're such a perve" and I reached down to cover his eyes. He just kissed me harder on my thigh, making me let go and groan in pleasure.
He took my knickers off and threw them to one side, and started flicking his tongue over my clit. I was in ecstasy. I had wanted to be licked out for so long. ..and I was glad it was Quasimodo who was lapping up at me. His stubble kept rubbing against my groin and in turn, I started grinding against his face.
My legs were lifted up over his shoulders and he lifted my bum up and held them in place with his hands. Heaven couldn't feel as good as I felt then. He laid me back on the bed, reached under me and turned me over... and started using his fingers as well as licking me.
...I stopped thinking about anything, and felt almost dizzy, and that's when I felt it. A finger stroking my arsehole, and then slowly entering me. It didn't feel amazing, but it didn't feel wrong. I let him carry on, and then it just got painful. He let go immediately, and carried on using his tongue. He wrapped his strong big arms around my thighs and lifted me higher, his tongue becoming more firm and his sucking more harsher. My breathing became more and more shallow, and I was clutching at anything to make it stop.
Why?
I have no idea.
I could feel myself get closer, my body was tingling and I felt like I was having an asthma attack. LoL.
*Bang Bang Bang*
Someone was knocking on the door, never have I moved so quickly in my life. Quasi was up in a flash, too. I hid in the corner of the room, whilst he went near the door... and we waited and listened.
"It's only the hoover."
We both started laughing. A lot.
He took me by both arms and led me to the bed. "I love how quickly you get wet for me, Ness Bitch"
He took his jeans off, and looked at me to see if I was ok with it. I smiled to reassure him. He smiled back and took his dick out. I was expecting something small, from the way he always talked about it. Average size, I guess, but very thick. It looked like the nose of one of the Racoons... Lmao.
"That's so big!" I stared at it, wide eyed. He started rubbing it up and down my lips. It felt so soft, so smooth. I immediately starting to become wet again. He let out a sigh, that made me feel .. good! He spread my legs apart, and lowered himself down on me. His lips brushed against my nipples, and I noticed, that for the first time they actually looked normal. He caught me looking, and grinned. "You get off from watching, don't you?"
The last time we met was very rushed. Very cramped... and very amazing.
The cows were our audience, and the farmland our stage.
I came in costume, leopard print. Lol.
He slid his finger in me with ease this time, and I enjoyed it.
Actually that was an understatement.
It's been two months since we last met, and I've been craving him.
I want to feel his arms holding me, his rough stubble against my skin...
I want to feel him inside.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Pussycat, Pussycat, Where have you been?
I've been to London to see the Queen.
8 Days away from home.
Away from routine.
Away from TV and Internet.
Away from bitches... almost.
Away from TAGs (courtesy of Quasi).
A Birthday, Engagement Party, Rendezvous with Quasi and lots of shopping, restaurants and Krispy Kremes.
It's amazing how one week away from everything you're used to can mess up your internal system.
I definately needed this break though.
I met up with a few more e-people.
jariN, Feefee and Cheeky.
Lovely people.
Schlag Giti came out...
The day before meeting up with Quasi, I met jariN and couldn't help but play footsy with him.
On the way home, infront of Mi Hermana Mayor, I was getting cosy with him on the tube.
His hand wrapped around mine.
My arse pressing against his crotch, and yes, he was hard.
His other arm stroking my stomach.
Mi Hermana Mayor asked if I liked him.
I said no.
He's cute, and I adore him.
But, no.
There's nothing there.
He's my age.
It doesn't work.
I felt like we were leaving Feefee out, though.
I kept trying to talk to her, and shop with her, and jariN would keep taking me to the side and trying hats on me etc etc...
She was really cute, bless her.
But, very quiet.
Cheeky? She's amazingly cute.
Exactly how I thought she'd be.
East London Gyal. LoL.
yaG was surprisingly really nice to me.
Mi hermana Mayor must've said something.
They all tried their best to accomodate me.
I'm very grateful.
I, honestly, am.
It would be silly to go into detail as to what happened with Quasi...
That would possibly be another post...
But, I've realised, I like how there's nothing emotional between us.
Well, I do like him, still, but it's not going to go anywhere.
...and I don't think I want it to.
He's ten years my senior, for goodness sake!
He could get hitched any moment... although I highly doubt it with him...
Not that he can't get a wife... He just can't settle, I don't think.
and no, I don't want to be the girl he settles for.
I do really like him... and the way I fit in his arms and could lay my head on his chest was perfect.
I bought £39 worth of lingerie for my sister, only to return it because she's a bit of prude and doesn't like ANYTHING from Ann Summers.
I, then, lost the gift voucher that I was thinking of using for a vibrator.
Now that I'm back, I should really fix up.
Today, I'm being a bit lazy and just catching up slowly, on the lecture notes that I've missed.
Tomorrow will be a long day, full of note making and properly catching up.
Wednesday, I shall tidy up the whole house.
I hope to be up to date with everything by Friday.
8 Days away from home.
Away from routine.
Away from TV and Internet.
Away from bitches... almost.
Away from TAGs (courtesy of Quasi).
A Birthday, Engagement Party, Rendezvous with Quasi and lots of shopping, restaurants and Krispy Kremes.
It's amazing how one week away from everything you're used to can mess up your internal system.
I definately needed this break though.
I met up with a few more e-people.
jariN, Feefee and Cheeky.
Lovely people.
Schlag Giti came out...
The day before meeting up with Quasi, I met jariN and couldn't help but play footsy with him.
On the way home, infront of Mi Hermana Mayor, I was getting cosy with him on the tube.
His hand wrapped around mine.
My arse pressing against his crotch, and yes, he was hard.
His other arm stroking my stomach.
Mi Hermana Mayor asked if I liked him.
I said no.
He's cute, and I adore him.
But, no.
There's nothing there.
He's my age.
It doesn't work.
I felt like we were leaving Feefee out, though.
I kept trying to talk to her, and shop with her, and jariN would keep taking me to the side and trying hats on me etc etc...
She was really cute, bless her.
But, very quiet.
Cheeky? She's amazingly cute.
Exactly how I thought she'd be.
East London Gyal. LoL.
yaG was surprisingly really nice to me.
Mi hermana Mayor must've said something.
They all tried their best to accomodate me.
I'm very grateful.
I, honestly, am.
It would be silly to go into detail as to what happened with Quasi...
That would possibly be another post...
But, I've realised, I like how there's nothing emotional between us.
Well, I do like him, still, but it's not going to go anywhere.
...and I don't think I want it to.
He's ten years my senior, for goodness sake!
He could get hitched any moment... although I highly doubt it with him...
Not that he can't get a wife... He just can't settle, I don't think.
and no, I don't want to be the girl he settles for.
I do really like him... and the way I fit in his arms and could lay my head on his chest was perfect.
I bought £39 worth of lingerie for my sister, only to return it because she's a bit of prude and doesn't like ANYTHING from Ann Summers.
I, then, lost the gift voucher that I was thinking of using for a vibrator.
Now that I'm back, I should really fix up.
Today, I'm being a bit lazy and just catching up slowly, on the lecture notes that I've missed.
Tomorrow will be a long day, full of note making and properly catching up.
Wednesday, I shall tidy up the whole house.
I hope to be up to date with everything by Friday.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Stock. Lock... and Suspenders.
I brought some pretty stockings today.
Some pretty suspenders, too.
I tried them on, clipped them into place.
They've been wrapped up and are waiting in the suitcase.
They're not coming out until the 15th.
Not to try on, not to take pictures.
I am forbidden from touching them until the 15th.
I am the forbidder, this time.
I bought them for him.
He shall get the pleasure first.
I'll get mine from his.
It's going to take all the willpower in the World, not to try them on and take pictures.
They feel like Heaven!
Pictures will come after the 15th, obviously.
If I'm lucky enough, He'll shoot me.
In more ways than one.
Some pretty suspenders, too.
I tried them on, clipped them into place.
They've been wrapped up and are waiting in the suitcase.
They're not coming out until the 15th.
Not to try on, not to take pictures.
I am forbidden from touching them until the 15th.
I am the forbidder, this time.
I bought them for him.
He shall get the pleasure first.
I'll get mine from his.
It's going to take all the willpower in the World, not to try them on and take pictures.
They feel like Heaven!
Pictures will come after the 15th, obviously.
If I'm lucky enough, He'll shoot me.
In more ways than one.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Layered. Choppy. Shining.
Hair.
My Hair.
My one part of my body that I can flaunt without much effort.
The previous post's pictures will show that I had long hair.
It's been chopped off.
Dramatically.
I, now, no longer have long, lucious hair which cascades elegantly down my back.
Hair that makes me feel womanly, pretty... girly.
I have gone for the chop.
Texture.
Movement.
It screams out rebel.
Obviously, because the rebel in me made the rash decision to get my hair cut today.
No thoughts, no worries.
Just a decision.
I feel like I have to change my style and attitude to accomodate this haircut.
I can no longer act coy and cutesy.
It won't suit.
Maybe when it grows out a bit.
Let's hope.
***Pictures will follow***
My Hair.
My one part of my body that I can flaunt without much effort.
The previous post's pictures will show that I had long hair.
It's been chopped off.
Dramatically.
I, now, no longer have long, lucious hair which cascades elegantly down my back.
Hair that makes me feel womanly, pretty... girly.
I have gone for the chop.
Texture.
Movement.
It screams out rebel.
Obviously, because the rebel in me made the rash decision to get my hair cut today.
No thoughts, no worries.
Just a decision.
I feel like I have to change my style and attitude to accomodate this haircut.
I can no longer act coy and cutesy.
It won't suit.
Maybe when it grows out a bit.
Let's hope.
***Pictures will follow***
Friday, October 26, 2007
Muchas Para Decir...
Let my vain self start by posting a few pictures of the many that I've taken with the webcam.
I forgot how much fun those tiny cams could be.
Body-concious? Me? Pffft.
LoL.
I love my legs.
Webcam shows, night after night, of kinky skirts and my lovely ankle boots..
..Oh, and flesh coloured underwear.
It's the end of the fourth week at univeristy.
Arg!
Asian-saturation.
...I end up spending my free time in the library, writing and re-writing notes to pass time by.
I still haven't taken part in any SU Event. Hmph.
All for this B'ham trip? It had better be worth it.
Last night, was the Doctor and Nurses party.
The white dress was going to transform me into a nurse.
We didn't go.
Instead we went to Old India and then Chicago Rock.
I wore my black dress, the one that can be taken off with two very swift movements.
Lots of sleazy coments, and stares filled with lust and desire.
My wanton self loved it... My body writhed and gyrated in pleasure to the tune of "Don'tcha" by the ever so sexy PussyCat Dolls.
Mi Hermana Mayor is in London, now.
Like the mendhi she did on my arms and leg, my yearning for her is disappearing.
Crumbling.
Little One won a talent contest.
Bless him.
Our little superstar..
Me and Quasi?
Hmmm, a rollercoaster.
We started speaking... lots and lots.
Nearly every night was filled with deep moans of pleasure, and frustrated gasps.
I told him...
That no one else turned me on as much as he did.
That I really like him.
That I want him to be my first...
...Then he asks me if I'd have a problem if he was messing around with another woman.
My Masochistic self told him there's nothing wrong with it.
..and he still sends me texts full of dirty words, thoughts and desires.
Am I stupid?
Surely, it's better to have a little of Quasi, than nothing at all?
Sweb came back into my life.
...and I remember why he made me uncomfortable.
His typical backward thinking.
Sex before Marriage?
Oh, goodness no! Not for you, Giti.
Although I've lost it and still take pleasure in the act of sexing once in a while.
Next weekend: Wild Trip.
Will I see l'Hunchback de Birminghame?
Will I see TrouserSnake?
Will I drink myself silly?
What should I wear?
It will definately be written about, with pictures.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Fresher.
It's been a week at Uni.
I Love/Hate it.
I've suffered Fresher's Flu, now I'm getting a sore throat.
I have a 9.30am start, everyday.
5 days a week.
There's no talent... at all.
I spend more time with Myma and Mimi...
I'm finally no longer a College Student.
I've not attended any of the Fresher's Events, and I've yet to meet someone doing Management... but, it's all good.
The people are friendly, the course seems cool.
=]
I Love/Hate it.
I've suffered Fresher's Flu, now I'm getting a sore throat.
I have a 9.30am start, everyday.
5 days a week.
There's no talent... at all.
I spend more time with Myma and Mimi...
I'm finally no longer a College Student.
I've not attended any of the Fresher's Events, and I've yet to meet someone doing Management... but, it's all good.
The people are friendly, the course seems cool.
=]
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Changes in Notredame
He called me last night.
He did something about that text I sent him.
He was really... strict.
..If that's the word to use?
There was no chance for me to be cutesy.
I had to be what he wanted me to be.
I had to say what he wanted me to say.
It was scary, but, I liked it.
My lips trembled everytime his voice went sharp.
"Take your knickers off, now."
"Get in bed."
"Just answer me straight. Is it a yes or no?"
I had no choice but to answer him.
He made me describe what I'd like us to do...
...he knows it's hard for me to do that.
They're the most personal thoughts I have.
I'm at my most vulnerable when I tell him my fantasies..
..and last night?
The words wouldn't even come out...
...He clocked on... and he took over.
He became soft, and his voice took me to that magic place.
His words lulling me into a sense of security.
His soft voice nudging me to go further, that it was ok.
He came.
...and my Mother and sister stood outside my door, chatting.
I had to grit my teeth to keep any noise I made from coming out of my mouth.
I came harshly.
Amazingly, neither Mother nor sister said anything.
I'm praying to God it was because I didn't make any noise, and not because they're embarassed.
He spoke to me in the same hushed tones that I've been missing these past weeks.
and told me to go to sleep.
Million dollar question : What are we now?
He did something about that text I sent him.
He was really... strict.
..If that's the word to use?
There was no chance for me to be cutesy.
I had to be what he wanted me to be.
I had to say what he wanted me to say.
It was scary, but, I liked it.
My lips trembled everytime his voice went sharp.
"Take your knickers off, now."
"Get in bed."
"Just answer me straight. Is it a yes or no?"
I had no choice but to answer him.
He made me describe what I'd like us to do...
...he knows it's hard for me to do that.
They're the most personal thoughts I have.
I'm at my most vulnerable when I tell him my fantasies..
..and last night?
The words wouldn't even come out...
...He clocked on... and he took over.
He became soft, and his voice took me to that magic place.
His words lulling me into a sense of security.
His soft voice nudging me to go further, that it was ok.
He came.
...and my Mother and sister stood outside my door, chatting.
I had to grit my teeth to keep any noise I made from coming out of my mouth.
I came harshly.
Amazingly, neither Mother nor sister said anything.
I'm praying to God it was because I didn't make any noise, and not because they're embarassed.
He spoke to me in the same hushed tones that I've been missing these past weeks.
and told me to go to sleep.
Million dollar question : What are we now?
Fishing.
Tue Sep 18, 2007 12:26 pm
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I called Quasi last night.
He was in the middle of watching a Catherine Zeta Jones picture...
Yes, it turned me on.
I asked him what he was doing, he said that I wouldn't like to know.
He was struggling to keep his voice normal,
I heard him gasp a few times, he sounded like he was content. pleasured. warm.
I left him to it.
I woke up at 5am, my panties wet.
I sent him a fishing text.
Why?
I don't know.
To make me cringe even more, he didn't even do what i had asked in the text.
Unwanted wantonness?
I suspect so.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I called Quasi last night.
He was in the middle of watching a Catherine Zeta Jones picture...
Yes, it turned me on.
I asked him what he was doing, he said that I wouldn't like to know.
He was struggling to keep his voice normal,
I heard him gasp a few times, he sounded like he was content. pleasured. warm.
I left him to it.
I woke up at 5am, my panties wet.
I sent him a fishing text.
Why?
I don't know.
To make me cringe even more, he didn't even do what i had asked in the text.
Unwanted wantonness?
I suspect so.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My Quasimodo...
wasn't ever mine. LoL.
I called him the other night.
I couldn't stop myself anymore.
..and i was so dissappointed.
He was so un-interested; it felt like he didn't care.
His voice even seemed different.
Rage burned inside me, and I needed to get off the phone.
Maybe I was too rude whilst saying bye.
I dreamt about him last night... I think.
How my hand sat.. just right.. in his hand.
How he made me giggle everytime he tugged at my bottom lip.
The way he held my body close to his.
I don't really believe in Perfect.
..and anyways, if it did exist, it would be a weird thing.
My perfect, may not be your perfect.
But... That day.
The day I spent with him, was something that I would call Perfect.
Rose coloured spectacles?
I'm guessing so.
I wanted him to pop my cherry.
I thought he'd stick around, do the caring thing.
I might act like a hoe wannabe, but really, I'm a soppy pathetic little girl at heart.
I want to be looked after.
I thought he would.
Thank Goodness I didn't get that far with him.
He's farting around with (an)other girl(s)...
I'd still love to spend a night with him.
His and my sexualism were on the right frequency.
Nothing spoken, nothing questioned, nothing answered.
Just the vibes.
From day one.
A night alone with him would result in many orgasmic experiences.
I want him to hold my hand again.
I'm not asking for much, am I?
I called him the other night.
I couldn't stop myself anymore.
..and i was so dissappointed.
He was so un-interested; it felt like he didn't care.
His voice even seemed different.
Rage burned inside me, and I needed to get off the phone.
Maybe I was too rude whilst saying bye.
I dreamt about him last night... I think.
How my hand sat.. just right.. in his hand.
How he made me giggle everytime he tugged at my bottom lip.
The way he held my body close to his.
I don't really believe in Perfect.
..and anyways, if it did exist, it would be a weird thing.
My perfect, may not be your perfect.
But... That day.
The day I spent with him, was something that I would call Perfect.
Rose coloured spectacles?
I'm guessing so.
I wanted him to pop my cherry.
I thought he'd stick around, do the caring thing.
I might act like a hoe wannabe, but really, I'm a soppy pathetic little girl at heart.
I want to be looked after.
I thought he would.
Thank Goodness I didn't get that far with him.
He's farting around with (an)other girl(s)...
I'd still love to spend a night with him.
His and my sexualism were on the right frequency.
Nothing spoken, nothing questioned, nothing answered.
Just the vibes.
From day one.
A night alone with him would result in many orgasmic experiences.
I want him to hold my hand again.
I'm not asking for much, am I?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Help...
I've realised I've made it clear to most that I'm not a practising Muslim, and I doubt very much that I am actually a follower of the faith.
(This doesn't mean I'm an atheist or a God hater...
Quite the contrary, I have a fierce belief in God...
I just don't know how to reach out to Him yet.)
Last night, as I held my hands up to pray at the table with the family (they don't know yet), the following prayer was recited
"Allah hummaghfir lana, waa li waalidayna.
Rabbir ham huma kama rabbayaani sagheera."
Now, I've been reciting this prayer over and over many times in the past few years.
It's a prayer for parents.
The thing is, I don't actually know what the prayer means...
So, I feel weird reciting a Muslim prayer.
I'd rather say the translation, which wouldn't make me feel so weird.
I mean, why recite a Muslim prayer, if you're claiming that you don't feel like one?
Weird, no?
So, that's why I'm asking anyone to help translate this for me.
I'd still very much like to pray for my parents, especially when they piss me off.
Which is more often, than not.
(It sounds weird that I'm asking for a translation of THAT prayer, and I can't just say what's in my heart.
But, I like chanting stuff, over and over again.
And, if everytime I feel like praying for my parents I have to say, "Please God, grant my parents a place in Heaven. and don't give them too much hardship in this world or the next. oh and please keep them happy. oh and ... etc etc"
Then it loses the effect.)
(This doesn't mean I'm an atheist or a God hater...
Quite the contrary, I have a fierce belief in God...
I just don't know how to reach out to Him yet.)
Last night, as I held my hands up to pray at the table with the family (they don't know yet), the following prayer was recited
"Allah hummaghfir lana, waa li waalidayna.
Rabbir ham huma kama rabbayaani sagheera."
Now, I've been reciting this prayer over and over many times in the past few years.
It's a prayer for parents.
The thing is, I don't actually know what the prayer means...
So, I feel weird reciting a Muslim prayer.
I'd rather say the translation, which wouldn't make me feel so weird.
I mean, why recite a Muslim prayer, if you're claiming that you don't feel like one?
Weird, no?
So, that's why I'm asking anyone to help translate this for me.
I'd still very much like to pray for my parents, especially when they piss me off.
Which is more often, than not.
(It sounds weird that I'm asking for a translation of THAT prayer, and I can't just say what's in my heart.
But, I like chanting stuff, over and over again.
And, if everytime I feel like praying for my parents I have to say, "Please God, grant my parents a place in Heaven. and don't give them too much hardship in this world or the next. oh and please keep them happy. oh and ... etc etc"
Then it loses the effect.)
Blog Name...
I just realised, this blog had turned out so different to what I originally set out to do.
This was just meant to be a private diary, that I could chat about anything without being scared of being judged, of any repercussions... etc etc...
Just a place to reflect and to write...
A place of my own...
Yea, it still might be all of that, but it's turned into more of a Sex Blog, don't you think?
Maybe it's because I only read those sorts of blogs?
I'm thinking I should blog a bit more about other aspects of my life...
except, my hornyism is quite a big thing...
Well, it has certainly been for the past demi-year, I think.
Hopefully, with university starting around the corner and job hunting about to start, I should have more things to blog about.
Rainbow in a Colourless World?
I still pretty much think that...
This was just meant to be a private diary, that I could chat about anything without being scared of being judged, of any repercussions... etc etc...
Just a place to reflect and to write...
A place of my own...
Yea, it still might be all of that, but it's turned into more of a Sex Blog, don't you think?
Maybe it's because I only read those sorts of blogs?
I'm thinking I should blog a bit more about other aspects of my life...
except, my hornyism is quite a big thing...
Well, it has certainly been for the past demi-year, I think.
Hopefully, with university starting around the corner and job hunting about to start, I should have more things to blog about.
Rainbow in a Colourless World?
I still pretty much think that...
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Ramadhan...
It's that time of year again.
I'll be doing things differently, though.
I'm not going to fast, pray etc etc.
However, I will still do my Prayer Diary.
Just because I'm having problems with religion, doesn't mean my faith in God isn't there.
Prayer for Today:
I pray that those who are worshipping you, by fasting or praying are rewarded for their efforts.
I pray that the Madeline case gets solved soon. It's not fair that I only mention Maddie, so, I hope all the lost children ou there are safe, and have somewhere to sleep.
I hope that those who are unwell are able to make a speedy recovery, and my condolences for those who have lost someone close to them...
Amin.
I'll be doing things differently, though.
I'm not going to fast, pray etc etc.
However, I will still do my Prayer Diary.
Just because I'm having problems with religion, doesn't mean my faith in God isn't there.
Prayer for Today:
I pray that those who are worshipping you, by fasting or praying are rewarded for their efforts.
I pray that the Madeline case gets solved soon. It's not fair that I only mention Maddie, so, I hope all the lost children ou there are safe, and have somewhere to sleep.
I hope that those who are unwell are able to make a speedy recovery, and my condolences for those who have lost someone close to them...
Amin.
Realisation
The little one decided to do a runner today.
Left us all in a foul mood.
Today, we've realised why we're the siblings and not parents.
He was disciplined.
Properly.
For the first time.
Usually we take him away from the parents and tell him off.
The most we'll do is slap his arm or something.
Today, Father took matters into his own hands.
Little one had it coming all Summer.
It must take a lot to hit a child you love.
I remember Father once telling Little one, that he kept him closer to his heart than the blood that runs through it.
I've had to escape, because:
a) I know I'll cry.
b) I'll want to hug him and say it's ok.
c) I'll undo everything that the Parents are doing.
Hopefully, after today he won't walk out the door anymore.
He's done it too often.
Today was the worst.
The whole family, including Father, had to look for him.
He beat up the Little Sister.
He shouted at me all the way home.
Little one is, officially, the brat I never wanted him to be.
Maybe he needs more alone time with the Parents?
...and we need to take a step back from him?
I never want to feel how I did when I couldn't find him.
I would've, unashamed, cried openly in public, if I didn't find him any sooner.
Left us all in a foul mood.
Today, we've realised why we're the siblings and not parents.
He was disciplined.
Properly.
For the first time.
Usually we take him away from the parents and tell him off.
The most we'll do is slap his arm or something.
Today, Father took matters into his own hands.
Little one had it coming all Summer.
It must take a lot to hit a child you love.
I remember Father once telling Little one, that he kept him closer to his heart than the blood that runs through it.
I've had to escape, because:
a) I know I'll cry.
b) I'll want to hug him and say it's ok.
c) I'll undo everything that the Parents are doing.
Hopefully, after today he won't walk out the door anymore.
He's done it too often.
Today was the worst.
The whole family, including Father, had to look for him.
He beat up the Little Sister.
He shouted at me all the way home.
Little one is, officially, the brat I never wanted him to be.
Maybe he needs more alone time with the Parents?
...and we need to take a step back from him?
I never want to feel how I did when I couldn't find him.
I would've, unashamed, cried openly in public, if I didn't find him any sooner.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
KbW
I finally met him last night.
...and I'm not ashamed to say that I basically threw myself at him.
Not like that did anything, I'm sure he didn't even look at me.
I spent the entire evening making sure I either got rid of the impefections, or hid them.
I even made an effort with my outfit.
Red and White polka dot dress.
Black and White polka dot underwear.
Red cardi, dual clustered necklace.
Smooth legs.
White vintage heels.
I think I looked the sex.
..and he only touched me twice!
Once, when he laughed about something, the other when he slyly slid his hand near my arse.
...yet, I was all over him.
Touching him every chance I got.
How slag-faced am I?
My bottom must have glowed red.
...no, not because of Tom.
He made me laugh, so much.
...He also has nice arms.
*Oh, gawsh, how disgustingly girly girly am I? - I'm blushing and giggling whilst writing this*
I have to admit, I gave him mixed signals.
It's ok for me to touch him and stuff, but if he mentions anything, I become really quiet and tell him to shut up.
I even moved his hand away.
What a twat!
I honestly have issues, and don't know what I want.
On the tube ride back to Victoria, I was thinking about me sitting on his hand.
*ahem*
...I had some sort of sensation run through me for a nano-second.
It felt... amazing!
Like, the feeling of knowing that you're nearly there and you are going to come this time...
Nice to know that I can feel that without even having to move a muscle.
Thank you bin-Walid.
...and I'm not ashamed to say that I basically threw myself at him.
Not like that did anything, I'm sure he didn't even look at me.
I spent the entire evening making sure I either got rid of the impefections, or hid them.
I even made an effort with my outfit.
Red and White polka dot dress.
Black and White polka dot underwear.
Red cardi, dual clustered necklace.
Smooth legs.
White vintage heels.
I think I looked the sex.
..and he only touched me twice!
Once, when he laughed about something, the other when he slyly slid his hand near my arse.
...yet, I was all over him.
Touching him every chance I got.
How slag-faced am I?
My bottom must have glowed red.
...no, not because of Tom.
He made me laugh, so much.
...He also has nice arms.
*Oh, gawsh, how disgustingly girly girly am I? - I'm blushing and giggling whilst writing this*
I have to admit, I gave him mixed signals.
It's ok for me to touch him and stuff, but if he mentions anything, I become really quiet and tell him to shut up.
I even moved his hand away.
What a twat!
I honestly have issues, and don't know what I want.
On the tube ride back to Victoria, I was thinking about me sitting on his hand.
*ahem*
...I had some sort of sensation run through me for a nano-second.
It felt... amazing!
Like, the feeling of knowing that you're nearly there and you are going to come this time...
Nice to know that I can feel that without even having to move a muscle.
Thank you bin-Walid.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Secret Desires
Ties that Bind...
As with so many others, her guard dropped as her arousal increased. He found that exciting her was the most effective way to learn more about her. Not about the mundanities of her life - what she drove, where she shopped, who she drank with after work. Such matters were of little, if any, interest to him. He wanted to know about her. The secret her. The sensual her. The sexual her. The desires that she harboured, both realised and nascent. The experiences that had pleased her most. The fantasies she hardly dared to vocalize.
In the midst of one phone call, she makes a flippant, insolent remark to him.
"I ought to put you over my knee," he growls.
There's the briefest pause at the other end of the line. "And just what would you do with me, if you were to have me over your knee?"
"That's easy. I'd pull up your skirt, yank your panties down to mid-thigh, and give your bare arse an almighty slap with the palm of my hand."
"Would you?" Again, the slight pause. "How hard would you spank me?"
There's something new in her voice, something he hasn't encountered before. Something quivering and expectant. He sits forward fractionally in his leather chair, senses questing like a predator's.
"Hard enough to leave the red imprint of my hand across those creamy cheeks of yours. Hard enough to make your skin tingle and burn."
"Really?"
"For sure."
"Promise?" There's a weakness in her voice now, and a need. A fervent need.
He smiles. Another secret revealed.
They talk, for days, weeks, months, stoking their mutual lusts ever higher. The schedules of their everyday lives conspire to limit the expression of their desires to emails and IM windows and stolen telephone calls. The elongation of time frustrates him, infuriates him. Ultimately, his fevered libido can no longer be satisfied by fantasies of vanilla couplings with her. He can't prevent himself from thinking of all the debauched ways he wants to excite and satisfy her flesh, from conjuring a catalogue of corruption. And when he finally reveals his plans to her, he finds that she's a more-than-willing accomplice to his decadence.
One day, he calls her in the afternoon, as he's pulling into the driveway after a day at the office. He knows that his own house will be empty when he steps inside, but he's taking a chance on calling her at such a time. Disconcertingly, that knowledge excites him too.
"Hello?"
"It's me. Can you talk?"
"Yes. For a while, anyway."
He turns the key in the front door and pushes it open. The parcel is waiting obediently for him on the oak floor. His eyes gleam.
"There's a parcel for me," he tells her.
"What is it? A present to yourself?"
"Very much so."
By now, she knows instantly what the tension in his voice means. She can hear the crackling of the package being opened. "Tell me about it."
"It's made of black leather, soft and supple to the touch. There's a collar, about two inches deep, maybe a fraction more. It fastens around your neck, and it's secured in place with a small padlock. There's an adjustable strap, a foot or more in length, running down from the back of the collar along the line of your spine. At the end of the strap are two wrist cuffs, positioned one atop the other. They're fastened into place with small padlocks as well." He pauses, calculatingly. "Anyone wearing it would be quite, quite helpless."
"Oh." The word sounds small and lost. "Is this something you've bought for your wife to wear?"
"No. It's something I bought for you to wear."
"It is? Really? Honestly?"
He ignores the pleading questions. "First, I'm going to undress you. Very slowly, very deliberately. Then I'm going to place you on your knees in the centre of the bed, blindfold you, draw the collar into place around your neck, and snap the lock shut. And then I'm going to do the same with both of your wrists."
"Oh, God."
"You can just kneel there and listen to the sound of me undressing. And then you'll feel my warm hands on your arse, a palm cupping each cheek, gently moving them apart, opening your cleft to my gaze, to my lips, to my tongue. I'm going to lick you from your clitoris to your rosebud, over and over and over, until you're squealing and writhing. I'll have a vibrator with me, one that I bought a fortnight ago, thinking of you. It's smooth and slender, and I'm going to oil it until it's glistening and then slowly slide it inside your arse and switch it on. And while it's buzzing and throbbing inside you, I'm going to flicker my tongue across your clit until you're literally dripping onto the bed sheet."
"Oh fuck."
"And then I'm going to spank you for being such a wanton slut. A fresh hard slap of my palm against your arse for every groan of pleasure, and another for each drop of your nectar that splashes onto the cotton sheet. I'm going to count aloud every single drop I see, and your arse is going to sting and burn each time you hear me speak."
"Oh fuck, yes! Yes! Please!"
"And then I'm going to fuck you. My pace, my desire. You're not going to be able to stop me. You're not going to be able to influence me. You're just going to be used by me. I'm going to fuck you for my own satisfaction. My cock deep inside your cunt, and the vibrator deep inside your ass. If you should whine, if you dissent, I'll take the vibrator from your ass and use another one, a thicker one, one that's at least as thick as my cock. And I'll fuck you like that until I'm satisfied." He waits. "Do you understand me?"
"Oh yes. Oh yes."
"You'll do as I say? As I want?"
"I will. You know that I will. I'll do anything." A brief silence. "Anything."
"Then all you have to do is provide me with a date…."
Reminds me of Quasimodo.
Reading this turned me on, so bad.
I need a good seeing to.
As with so many others, her guard dropped as her arousal increased. He found that exciting her was the most effective way to learn more about her. Not about the mundanities of her life - what she drove, where she shopped, who she drank with after work. Such matters were of little, if any, interest to him. He wanted to know about her. The secret her. The sensual her. The sexual her. The desires that she harboured, both realised and nascent. The experiences that had pleased her most. The fantasies she hardly dared to vocalize.
In the midst of one phone call, she makes a flippant, insolent remark to him.
"I ought to put you over my knee," he growls.
There's the briefest pause at the other end of the line. "And just what would you do with me, if you were to have me over your knee?"
"That's easy. I'd pull up your skirt, yank your panties down to mid-thigh, and give your bare arse an almighty slap with the palm of my hand."
"Would you?" Again, the slight pause. "How hard would you spank me?"
There's something new in her voice, something he hasn't encountered before. Something quivering and expectant. He sits forward fractionally in his leather chair, senses questing like a predator's.
"Hard enough to leave the red imprint of my hand across those creamy cheeks of yours. Hard enough to make your skin tingle and burn."
"Really?"
"For sure."
"Promise?" There's a weakness in her voice now, and a need. A fervent need.
He smiles. Another secret revealed.
They talk, for days, weeks, months, stoking their mutual lusts ever higher. The schedules of their everyday lives conspire to limit the expression of their desires to emails and IM windows and stolen telephone calls. The elongation of time frustrates him, infuriates him. Ultimately, his fevered libido can no longer be satisfied by fantasies of vanilla couplings with her. He can't prevent himself from thinking of all the debauched ways he wants to excite and satisfy her flesh, from conjuring a catalogue of corruption. And when he finally reveals his plans to her, he finds that she's a more-than-willing accomplice to his decadence.
One day, he calls her in the afternoon, as he's pulling into the driveway after a day at the office. He knows that his own house will be empty when he steps inside, but he's taking a chance on calling her at such a time. Disconcertingly, that knowledge excites him too.
"Hello?"
"It's me. Can you talk?"
"Yes. For a while, anyway."
He turns the key in the front door and pushes it open. The parcel is waiting obediently for him on the oak floor. His eyes gleam.
"There's a parcel for me," he tells her.
"What is it? A present to yourself?"
"Very much so."
By now, she knows instantly what the tension in his voice means. She can hear the crackling of the package being opened. "Tell me about it."
"It's made of black leather, soft and supple to the touch. There's a collar, about two inches deep, maybe a fraction more. It fastens around your neck, and it's secured in place with a small padlock. There's an adjustable strap, a foot or more in length, running down from the back of the collar along the line of your spine. At the end of the strap are two wrist cuffs, positioned one atop the other. They're fastened into place with small padlocks as well." He pauses, calculatingly. "Anyone wearing it would be quite, quite helpless."
"Oh." The word sounds small and lost. "Is this something you've bought for your wife to wear?"
"No. It's something I bought for you to wear."
"It is? Really? Honestly?"
He ignores the pleading questions. "First, I'm going to undress you. Very slowly, very deliberately. Then I'm going to place you on your knees in the centre of the bed, blindfold you, draw the collar into place around your neck, and snap the lock shut. And then I'm going to do the same with both of your wrists."
"Oh, God."
"You can just kneel there and listen to the sound of me undressing. And then you'll feel my warm hands on your arse, a palm cupping each cheek, gently moving them apart, opening your cleft to my gaze, to my lips, to my tongue. I'm going to lick you from your clitoris to your rosebud, over and over and over, until you're squealing and writhing. I'll have a vibrator with me, one that I bought a fortnight ago, thinking of you. It's smooth and slender, and I'm going to oil it until it's glistening and then slowly slide it inside your arse and switch it on. And while it's buzzing and throbbing inside you, I'm going to flicker my tongue across your clit until you're literally dripping onto the bed sheet."
"Oh fuck."
"And then I'm going to spank you for being such a wanton slut. A fresh hard slap of my palm against your arse for every groan of pleasure, and another for each drop of your nectar that splashes onto the cotton sheet. I'm going to count aloud every single drop I see, and your arse is going to sting and burn each time you hear me speak."
"Oh fuck, yes! Yes! Please!"
"And then I'm going to fuck you. My pace, my desire. You're not going to be able to stop me. You're not going to be able to influence me. You're just going to be used by me. I'm going to fuck you for my own satisfaction. My cock deep inside your cunt, and the vibrator deep inside your ass. If you should whine, if you dissent, I'll take the vibrator from your ass and use another one, a thicker one, one that's at least as thick as my cock. And I'll fuck you like that until I'm satisfied." He waits. "Do you understand me?"
"Oh yes. Oh yes."
"You'll do as I say? As I want?"
"I will. You know that I will. I'll do anything." A brief silence. "Anything."
"Then all you have to do is provide me with a date…."
Reminds me of Quasimodo.
Reading this turned me on, so bad.
I need a good seeing to.
Taste...
They say everyone tastes different.
You taste of what you eat.
I don't eat cheese.
I need to sort out my diet, before I let any cunnilingus happen.
Although, I did like the after-taste.
Who knew I'd be so turned on, that I'd bring my moist fingers to my lips?
If only there was a guy there, too.
Hmmm. Talking about it is making my panties wet.
...but, my room is incredibly messy, due to a tidy/clean out.
Plus, being a full time mum, you can't have your door shut for longer than two seconds.
I can't have any night time phone play times either.
All of this = one frustrated gal.
Oh well, I'm meeting Bin-Walid on Tuesday.
If I'm not that shy, hopefully he can help me.
Maybe he could taste me too.
You taste of what you eat.
I don't eat cheese.
I need to sort out my diet, before I let any cunnilingus happen.
Although, I did like the after-taste.
Who knew I'd be so turned on, that I'd bring my moist fingers to my lips?
If only there was a guy there, too.
Hmmm. Talking about it is making my panties wet.
...but, my room is incredibly messy, due to a tidy/clean out.
Plus, being a full time mum, you can't have your door shut for longer than two seconds.
I can't have any night time phone play times either.
All of this = one frustrated gal.
Oh well, I'm meeting Bin-Walid on Tuesday.
If I'm not that shy, hopefully he can help me.
Maybe he could taste me too.
Rambling.
Ramadhan's in a week.
I still have no plan.
Damn.
I went shopping the other day.
I've gone up a dress size.
I needed to exchange all the tops I bought.
My shoes came today. They still don't fit nicely.
Can you say toe cleavage?
Atleast they don't fly off when I walk.
Need to try them on outside.
I had bastard of a nephew and neices stay round last week.
I don't understand how my cousin didn't raise them up to have respect for other peoples' feelings and belongings.
I had to buy new shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and an ironing board.
We had to get builders in to fill in the massive whole in the wall.
What cows.
Mum's off to Germany.
She fought with the Father the night before her flight.
She slapped his hand, and told us to call him pig, instead of Dad.
Hmmm. Nice(!)
My older sister and I are back to being full-time Mums.
She comes back tomorrow.
I have work.
I spoke to Quasimodo.
He asked me if I missed talking to him at night.
I've deleted most of my posts off his Facebook.
Gawd, I want to suck his face off.
Jivan is lovely.
He's helping me with my CV.
He also gave me advice about my esteem and confusion.
...I want to see a picture of him. I'm intrigued.
He really makes my panties wet.
I think I've decided, once uni starts, I'm going to join a yoga class....and start skipping.
I love cocky guys.
...even Rajni.
I need to buy more underwear.
La Senza are crap.
The colour runs.
My beautiful yellow bra has gone a dull snotty colour.
I want a caramel coloured set, and a white set.
Bin-Walid's baby is due soon.
I should meet him before, really.
Yea, I want this to be as guilt-less as possible.
Which is hard, because he's a married man and is a sweetheart.
Provisional date: Tuesday 11th September.
Location: St. Pauls.
Victoria line to Oxford Circus, Central to St. Pauls... Just in case I forgot.
For lunch? Coffee? Damn.
An hour? Is that long enough for me to forget about my insecurities?
I need to buy baby clothes before then.
I think it's a boy.
I hope we meet for dinner.
I want to snog his face off.
..I also want a tube ride with him. See if he'll do what he said he might.
I don't know anyone on my course yet.
Scary.
I need to write my letter of resignation.
Scary!
..but I need to do it.
I hate my work place.
Salman Khan keeps texting me.
It's nice, and he's funny and makes me want to piss myself laughing.
..BUT, he works with Mother.
I know I almost fancy him, because he's so charismatic and so cocky and confident... but, I shouldn't be so chummy with him.
Especially, after what happened after I came back form his house.
Mother doesn't appreciate.
If he wasn't Muslim, I'd love to go for drinks with him.
Maybe dance with him.
..Even though he's 40 odd.
Oh. My. Gawsh.
I like older men.
...Well, I've always known that, about 98% of the guys I've liked were over 3 years older than me.
But, I liker older older guys.
Over 9 years older.
Quasi, Jivan, Salman...?
I still have no plan.
Damn.
I went shopping the other day.
I've gone up a dress size.
I needed to exchange all the tops I bought.
My shoes came today. They still don't fit nicely.
Can you say toe cleavage?
Atleast they don't fly off when I walk.
Need to try them on outside.
I had bastard of a nephew and neices stay round last week.
I don't understand how my cousin didn't raise them up to have respect for other peoples' feelings and belongings.
I had to buy new shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and an ironing board.
We had to get builders in to fill in the massive whole in the wall.
What cows.
Mum's off to Germany.
She fought with the Father the night before her flight.
She slapped his hand, and told us to call him pig, instead of Dad.
Hmmm. Nice(!)
My older sister and I are back to being full-time Mums.
She comes back tomorrow.
I have work.
I spoke to Quasimodo.
He asked me if I missed talking to him at night.
I've deleted most of my posts off his Facebook.
Gawd, I want to suck his face off.
Jivan is lovely.
He's helping me with my CV.
He also gave me advice about my esteem and confusion.
...I want to see a picture of him. I'm intrigued.
He really makes my panties wet.
I think I've decided, once uni starts, I'm going to join a yoga class....and start skipping.
I love cocky guys.
...even Rajni.
I need to buy more underwear.
La Senza are crap.
The colour runs.
My beautiful yellow bra has gone a dull snotty colour.
I want a caramel coloured set, and a white set.
Bin-Walid's baby is due soon.
I should meet him before, really.
Yea, I want this to be as guilt-less as possible.
Which is hard, because he's a married man and is a sweetheart.
Provisional date: Tuesday 11th September.
Location: St. Pauls.
Victoria line to Oxford Circus, Central to St. Pauls... Just in case I forgot.
For lunch? Coffee? Damn.
An hour? Is that long enough for me to forget about my insecurities?
I need to buy baby clothes before then.
I think it's a boy.
I hope we meet for dinner.
I want to snog his face off.
..I also want a tube ride with him. See if he'll do what he said he might.
I don't know anyone on my course yet.
Scary.
I need to write my letter of resignation.
Scary!
..but I need to do it.
I hate my work place.
Salman Khan keeps texting me.
It's nice, and he's funny and makes me want to piss myself laughing.
..BUT, he works with Mother.
I know I almost fancy him, because he's so charismatic and so cocky and confident... but, I shouldn't be so chummy with him.
Especially, after what happened after I came back form his house.
Mother doesn't appreciate.
If he wasn't Muslim, I'd love to go for drinks with him.
Maybe dance with him.
..Even though he's 40 odd.
Oh. My. Gawsh.
I like older men.
...Well, I've always known that, about 98% of the guys I've liked were over 3 years older than me.
But, I liker older older guys.
Over 9 years older.
Quasi, Jivan, Salman...?
Thursday, August 23, 2007
The Walking Woman...
You wake up, go downstairs to the kitchen..
You grab a glass, running the cold water and look out the window.
She's there, in her brown clothes, with her brown hair.
Walking.
It's mid morning, you're on the phone chatting.
You clear up as you walk around the house.
Without thinking, you look out the kitchen window whilst listening to the voice on the phone.
She's still there.
Walking.
Afternoon comes and you're feeling peckish.
You look through the cupboards for something to nibble on.
Your gaze passes the kicthen window.
She's there, in her brown clothes, on her brown chair.
Eating.
Sunset, you're washing up.
Mountains of dishes, pots and pans, that old Germany football cup in front of you.
Bored, you look around.
You look out the window.
She's there, on her brown bike.
Cycling.
Night time, you have guests.
You make something small for them to eat.
The kettle's bubbling, and you get the cups ready.
You reach for a spoon, and you look outside.
She's there, in her brown cardigan, with her brown hair.
Walking.
You grab a glass, running the cold water and look out the window.
She's there, in her brown clothes, with her brown hair.
Walking.
It's mid morning, you're on the phone chatting.
You clear up as you walk around the house.
Without thinking, you look out the kitchen window whilst listening to the voice on the phone.
She's still there.
Walking.
Afternoon comes and you're feeling peckish.
You look through the cupboards for something to nibble on.
Your gaze passes the kicthen window.
She's there, in her brown clothes, on her brown chair.
Eating.
Sunset, you're washing up.
Mountains of dishes, pots and pans, that old Germany football cup in front of you.
Bored, you look around.
You look out the window.
She's there, on her brown bike.
Cycling.
Night time, you have guests.
You make something small for them to eat.
The kettle's bubbling, and you get the cups ready.
You reach for a spoon, and you look outside.
She's there, in her brown cardigan, with her brown hair.
Walking.
Monday, August 20, 2007
...Sometimes, I wish we could just pretend...
Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing
And I remember when you started calling me your Mrs
All the play fighting
All the flirtatious disses
I’d tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dunno why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We’d spend the whole weekend
Lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy
In your boxers and your t-shirt
Dreams, dreams of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, it seems
That I can’t shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it’s so true
I know it’s not right but it seems unfair
That thing’s are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on
Tell me
Is this the end?
Drinkin’ tea in bed, watchin’ DVD’s
When I discovered all your dirty, grotty magazines
You’d take me out shopping
And all we’d buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand
When I was feeling down, you’d make that face you do
There’s no-one in the world who could replace you
Dreams, dreams of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, it seems
That I can’t shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it’s so true
I know it’s not right but it seems unfair
That thing’s are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on
Tell me
Is this the end?
I really like(d?) him.
I want another chance to hold his hands, to have his arms wrapped around me, to kiss him and feel him gently bite and tug my bottom lip.
I want to feel that excitement in my stomach when he touched me, I want to momentarily lose my breath and gasp, I want to get embarassed and not have the courage to look up at him, I want him to play with my hair and speak in gentle hushed tones with me.
All this time, I've been complaining against couples and how "lovey dovey" people are.
Now, I'm the soppiest of them all. But it's because I think I may have liked this guy.
What to do?
Nothing.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Self Pleasure...
I love touching myself.
In bed, whilst watching T.V, showering, on the computer...
Anywhere...
I cream my pants at the drop of a hat, and about 15 times on an average day...
I throb downstairs more than half the day...
and I find myself either reaching down there, or moving in a way that stimulates me.
I have a problem though.
I can't get anything inside me.
The thought of penetration makes me tense up, subconciously.
I, myself, can manage to get the tip of my middle finger in... whilst in pain!
I've not had anyone elses' body parts in me yet.
Which annoys me.
Self pleasure is one thing, but having someone else do things to you is something else entirely...
It's like tickling...
You just can't tickle yourself...
In bed, whilst watching T.V, showering, on the computer...
Anywhere...
I cream my pants at the drop of a hat, and about 15 times on an average day...
I throb downstairs more than half the day...
and I find myself either reaching down there, or moving in a way that stimulates me.
I have a problem though.
I can't get anything inside me.
The thought of penetration makes me tense up, subconciously.
I, myself, can manage to get the tip of my middle finger in... whilst in pain!
I've not had anyone elses' body parts in me yet.
Which annoys me.
Self pleasure is one thing, but having someone else do things to you is something else entirely...
It's like tickling...
You just can't tickle yourself...
Whirlwind...
Since my last blog post, my mother has come back, little brother has broken his arm, and dad's in hospital...
I've been a busy bee.
Doing overtime at work.
What a nightmare.
I hate work.
Well, retail.
I'd love to work at a desk.
I've been taking two driving lessons a week.
I think that's where I'm going wrong.
I'm taking two week's break, and then going to drive once a week.
Deep-Nessy story is finished.
Quasi likes this girl who lives closer to him, and is closer to his age group.
He knows her better, too.
I told him to go for it.
I knew I liked him, more than he did me.
Smushy and Spazzle have got closer.
I really value his friendship.
I just wish I could tell him everything.
I always end up stopping myself, though.
I've received my A Level results.
BCD...
What a waste.
I've been told not to fuss about them anymore, and to close that chapter of my life.
I'm into uni, and I can't wait.
I've just taken on hte job to interview Bengali parents about childcare.
Should result in £90 for me...
Majority of that money shall be going to my older sister, however.
I'm living on £10 at the moment.
I desperately need money.
Yet, it's all going to come in after end of August.
I need to start jobhunting.
Don't know where to start.
Might go to an agency, or jobcentre.
Yes, I am upset about Quasimodo.
I found myself really liking him.
Infatuation? Probably.
Obsession? Not this time.
Most guys that I fancy are different.
They're either charmers, flirts, Amazingly good looking, or purely emotional creatures.
He was different.
He was clever, and could turn me on by just saying "hey Nessy bitch"...
I want his brain.
Dad's in hospital...
He had an op on his prostrate.
He went in last Friday...
Nurses say he's doing really well today.
He might be discharged.
I wish I could show him how much he means to me, and how much i love him.
The most I can do, though, is kiss his cheek everytime I say bye.
RudeBoi came back into my life...
He says he "loves" me... Always has done, apparently.
He's such a typical Bengali.
I want to stay away.
But, my downstair's department begs to differ.
To be honest, I don't want Rudeboi's or Bin Walid's cock in me...
I thought that my cherry would be popped this year.
...By Quasimodo...
That's not going to happen now.
Maybe it's a sign from God?
That I should stay away from sex before marriage?
I've been a busy bee.
Doing overtime at work.
What a nightmare.
I hate work.
Well, retail.
I'd love to work at a desk.
I've been taking two driving lessons a week.
I think that's where I'm going wrong.
I'm taking two week's break, and then going to drive once a week.
Deep-Nessy story is finished.
Quasi likes this girl who lives closer to him, and is closer to his age group.
He knows her better, too.
I told him to go for it.
I knew I liked him, more than he did me.
Smushy and Spazzle have got closer.
I really value his friendship.
I just wish I could tell him everything.
I always end up stopping myself, though.
I've received my A Level results.
BCD...
What a waste.
I've been told not to fuss about them anymore, and to close that chapter of my life.
I'm into uni, and I can't wait.
I've just taken on hte job to interview Bengali parents about childcare.
Should result in £90 for me...
Majority of that money shall be going to my older sister, however.
I'm living on £10 at the moment.
I desperately need money.
Yet, it's all going to come in after end of August.
I need to start jobhunting.
Don't know where to start.
Might go to an agency, or jobcentre.
Yes, I am upset about Quasimodo.
I found myself really liking him.
Infatuation? Probably.
Obsession? Not this time.
Most guys that I fancy are different.
They're either charmers, flirts, Amazingly good looking, or purely emotional creatures.
He was different.
He was clever, and could turn me on by just saying "hey Nessy bitch"...
I want his brain.
Dad's in hospital...
He had an op on his prostrate.
He went in last Friday...
Nurses say he's doing really well today.
He might be discharged.
I wish I could show him how much he means to me, and how much i love him.
The most I can do, though, is kiss his cheek everytime I say bye.
RudeBoi came back into my life...
He says he "loves" me... Always has done, apparently.
He's such a typical Bengali.
I want to stay away.
But, my downstair's department begs to differ.
To be honest, I don't want Rudeboi's or Bin Walid's cock in me...
I thought that my cherry would be popped this year.
...By Quasimodo...
That's not going to happen now.
Maybe it's a sign from God?
That I should stay away from sex before marriage?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
"Don't know how it got so crazy..."
Sang Brian Litrell in "Back to your Heart".
Mum's been gone two weeks.
I've been locked inside this house for two weeks.
(Except for when I have work).
I'm slowly going insane.
I've shunned my responsibilities and duties today.
I feel like crying.
...and possibly running away.
It's Quasimodo's birthday next Wednesday.
I got excited and asked Trousersnake to get his address.
I then re-read some of Quasimodo's writing, and remembered...
His grandfather passed away on the 25th...
Do I act all Spazlish? Or treat it like it's any random person's birthday?
I had the worst freudian slip with him last night.
He told me he'd slap me, and I called him a wife beater.
Cue the awkward silence, and eventually he had to go.
I haven't spoken to him since.
I'm dying for some emotional comfort at the moment, and I dont want to call him.
I hate calling him all the time, and waiting for his calls.
I hate not knowin where I stand with him.
Oh great, The sisters just had some sort of argument and got dad involved.
And who got the blame? Yes, me...
I finally asked my dad, on a serious level, whether I could move out next year.
He said, what's the point if you're going to live in the same city.
That answered my question, didn't it?
I've been planning a trip to London since January.. I initially planned for June.. I wasn't allowed..
The summer's going, and I'm dying for a break.
Older sister is getting too involved in my life,
and with everything, she keeps bringing up Islam.
She wants to enforce her opinions and beliefs on me.
Why doesn't she accept what I like and don't like?
She wants me to marry a Joydeep (google Star Plus - Kyunki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi..)...
I don't even want to think of marriage...
I want to have fun, fall in lust, in like, and in love...
I want to feel what it's like to be totally happy with someone, and then I also want to know what it's like to feel heart broken...
I want to bump and grind with someone I like, who's not a girl and my best mate.
Us four siblings went out for a meal, and I wanted to wear my skirt, but I wore leggings underneath. She made me change.
So what if she doesn't show anything except her head. I want to flaunt what I've got.
The hijab didn't liberate me.
Everyone has commented on how I'm different without the hijab.
The minute I take it off, I feel more confident, and it shows.
I have an appointment with the Doctors about my penetration problem.
The worry has kept me up at nights...
How do I tell someone that I'm an undercover horny bitch?
That I get wet everytime I'm in a 5 metre radius of a male, or a very hawt female?
That I have playtime nearly every night?
That I'm too scared to put anything inside me, myself... but I guess I'm too scared subconciously to even let anyone else do it?
The fact that she's Asian, and I go to a surgery in my local community doesn't help.
I'm scared... and no one can hold my hand.
Because about from Bin Walid and Quasimodo no one knows...
I need lots of hugs.
Not virtual ones..
I want real ones.
Mum's been gone two weeks.
I've been locked inside this house for two weeks.
(Except for when I have work).
I'm slowly going insane.
I've shunned my responsibilities and duties today.
I feel like crying.
...and possibly running away.
It's Quasimodo's birthday next Wednesday.
I got excited and asked Trousersnake to get his address.
I then re-read some of Quasimodo's writing, and remembered...
His grandfather passed away on the 25th...
Do I act all Spazlish? Or treat it like it's any random person's birthday?
I had the worst freudian slip with him last night.
He told me he'd slap me, and I called him a wife beater.
Cue the awkward silence, and eventually he had to go.
I haven't spoken to him since.
I'm dying for some emotional comfort at the moment, and I dont want to call him.
I hate calling him all the time, and waiting for his calls.
I hate not knowin where I stand with him.
Oh great, The sisters just had some sort of argument and got dad involved.
And who got the blame? Yes, me...
I finally asked my dad, on a serious level, whether I could move out next year.
He said, what's the point if you're going to live in the same city.
That answered my question, didn't it?
I've been planning a trip to London since January.. I initially planned for June.. I wasn't allowed..
The summer's going, and I'm dying for a break.
Older sister is getting too involved in my life,
and with everything, she keeps bringing up Islam.
She wants to enforce her opinions and beliefs on me.
Why doesn't she accept what I like and don't like?
She wants me to marry a Joydeep (google Star Plus - Kyunki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi..)...
I don't even want to think of marriage...
I want to have fun, fall in lust, in like, and in love...
I want to feel what it's like to be totally happy with someone, and then I also want to know what it's like to feel heart broken...
I want to bump and grind with someone I like, who's not a girl and my best mate.
Us four siblings went out for a meal, and I wanted to wear my skirt, but I wore leggings underneath. She made me change.
So what if she doesn't show anything except her head. I want to flaunt what I've got.
The hijab didn't liberate me.
Everyone has commented on how I'm different without the hijab.
The minute I take it off, I feel more confident, and it shows.
I have an appointment with the Doctors about my penetration problem.
The worry has kept me up at nights...
How do I tell someone that I'm an undercover horny bitch?
That I get wet everytime I'm in a 5 metre radius of a male, or a very hawt female?
That I have playtime nearly every night?
That I'm too scared to put anything inside me, myself... but I guess I'm too scared subconciously to even let anyone else do it?
The fact that she's Asian, and I go to a surgery in my local community doesn't help.
I'm scared... and no one can hold my hand.
Because about from Bin Walid and Quasimodo no one knows...
I need lots of hugs.
Not virtual ones..
I want real ones.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
When it rains...
...it pours.
Recently, I've been surrounded by illness.
My uncle from Germany had been diagnosed with cancer earlier on this year, after suffering from stroke or a heart attack.
My mum's just not recovering. She has some problem with her lungs, that doctors just can't diagnose. She also has problems with her joints, especially her legs.
I, myself, had that weird period full of temperatures and dizziness.
My little sister just isn't getting better... I also fear she's becoming anorexic. Her way of thinking is scary. She's 12, and she already worries about her weight. She never eats lunch at school, and hasn't developed yet. Which is weird, because, me, mum and my older sister were women by the age of 11 - physically.
Last night, we discovered my nani (in Bangladesh now) had a mild heart attack. Since she's been under medical care, she's been diagnosed with diabetes and also lung infection.
I can see that it's all taking its toll on my mum.
Her sister's husband, her mother, her daughter...
What does a girl, who's meant to be the black sheep of the family, do?
Pray? Give her mum a hug? Make the curry?
On top of all this, there's the on going financial stuff going on.
We've lost £10,000 due to a money transfer business going into liquidation.
I'm dreading the day my bank statement reaches my dad's hands.
I've not spoken to Quasimodo properly, still!
I think I'll just leave the whole, "does he like me? does he not". He's busy with the wedding season and all... and I've got my own shizzle too...
I just want to see him... and as corny as it sounds, I just want one of his hugs... a kiss or few wouldn't be bad either.
Then again, I've not seen my girls in a while either, and a hug from them would be appreciated just as much.
I've been meaning to clean out for two weeks.
No, not just my room... the kitchen downstairs... and my head as well.
Some thoughts and memories have gots ta go... as well as all those receipts i'm hoarding in all my 15 drawers...
...yes, Shaaf has been plaguing my thoughts recently...
Not really the best time for thoughts of him to pop up...
I need to buy a new brolly.
Recently, I've been surrounded by illness.
My uncle from Germany had been diagnosed with cancer earlier on this year, after suffering from stroke or a heart attack.
My mum's just not recovering. She has some problem with her lungs, that doctors just can't diagnose. She also has problems with her joints, especially her legs.
I, myself, had that weird period full of temperatures and dizziness.
My little sister just isn't getting better... I also fear she's becoming anorexic. Her way of thinking is scary. She's 12, and she already worries about her weight. She never eats lunch at school, and hasn't developed yet. Which is weird, because, me, mum and my older sister were women by the age of 11 - physically.
Last night, we discovered my nani (in Bangladesh now) had a mild heart attack. Since she's been under medical care, she's been diagnosed with diabetes and also lung infection.
I can see that it's all taking its toll on my mum.
Her sister's husband, her mother, her daughter...
What does a girl, who's meant to be the black sheep of the family, do?
Pray? Give her mum a hug? Make the curry?
On top of all this, there's the on going financial stuff going on.
We've lost £10,000 due to a money transfer business going into liquidation.
I'm dreading the day my bank statement reaches my dad's hands.
I've not spoken to Quasimodo properly, still!
I think I'll just leave the whole, "does he like me? does he not". He's busy with the wedding season and all... and I've got my own shizzle too...
I just want to see him... and as corny as it sounds, I just want one of his hugs... a kiss or few wouldn't be bad either.
Then again, I've not seen my girls in a while either, and a hug from them would be appreciated just as much.
I've been meaning to clean out for two weeks.
No, not just my room... the kitchen downstairs... and my head as well.
Some thoughts and memories have gots ta go... as well as all those receipts i'm hoarding in all my 15 drawers...
...yes, Shaaf has been plaguing my thoughts recently...
Not really the best time for thoughts of him to pop up...
I need to buy a new brolly.
Monday, July 02, 2007
...Confusion...
Ok, I've been speaking to Quasimodo since February...
The Monday before my birthday, I came for the first time in years. I don't think even Sweb managed to ever make me reach the big O so good feeling.
I knew I was attracted to Quasimodo the person, reading his posts and profiles on different networking sites, I was being drawn to him more and more.
One thing that turns me on is intellect. I know I'm not the smartest and I definately have more blonde moments than the average person, but, I love listening to people trying to teach me interesting and complex things.
To top it off, he's a freak! Such an oddball, I can't begin to explain how weird he is. He's different, and I really liked that.
But, at the same time, I still was obsessed about Ratboy... and I used to tell Quasi everything about my Ratboy problem, even though, I knew at night time, I'd be secretly wanting Quasi to tell me about his fantasies, which would immediately get my pants wet.
It's been 4 months now, and everything's happened so fast;
he gave me my new identity, Nessy.
We've had our first date.
and... I think we both have developed some sort of feelings for each other.
He's a lot more "soppy" and talks really lovey dovey to me at times, whereas before it was just pure desire "I want my dick in your pussy". Yes, it really is that explicit - but it doesn't make me gag and want to slap him. It makes me want him more.
I was meant to meet up with him for the 2nd time today.
But, Karma works in weird ways, and it didn't work out.
We spoke on the phone, and after nearly a month, I came. The orgasm itself was really short. But considering the mess I made, and realising how much I've fallen in love with his voice alone, was good enough for me.
He took it one step further and after we calmed down, he said that I was cute, funny, lovely, nice etc etc...
Does this mean that he does like me in other ways htan just sexually?
Is it ok for me to think about him 24/7 when I'm sure he doesn't?
How do I ask him where I stand?
The Monday before my birthday, I came for the first time in years. I don't think even Sweb managed to ever make me reach the big O so good feeling.
I knew I was attracted to Quasimodo the person, reading his posts and profiles on different networking sites, I was being drawn to him more and more.
One thing that turns me on is intellect. I know I'm not the smartest and I definately have more blonde moments than the average person, but, I love listening to people trying to teach me interesting and complex things.
To top it off, he's a freak! Such an oddball, I can't begin to explain how weird he is. He's different, and I really liked that.
But, at the same time, I still was obsessed about Ratboy... and I used to tell Quasi everything about my Ratboy problem, even though, I knew at night time, I'd be secretly wanting Quasi to tell me about his fantasies, which would immediately get my pants wet.
It's been 4 months now, and everything's happened so fast;
he gave me my new identity, Nessy.
We've had our first date.
and... I think we both have developed some sort of feelings for each other.
He's a lot more "soppy" and talks really lovey dovey to me at times, whereas before it was just pure desire "I want my dick in your pussy". Yes, it really is that explicit - but it doesn't make me gag and want to slap him. It makes me want him more.
I was meant to meet up with him for the 2nd time today.
But, Karma works in weird ways, and it didn't work out.
We spoke on the phone, and after nearly a month, I came. The orgasm itself was really short. But considering the mess I made, and realising how much I've fallen in love with his voice alone, was good enough for me.
He took it one step further and after we calmed down, he said that I was cute, funny, lovely, nice etc etc...
Does this mean that he does like me in other ways htan just sexually?
Is it ok for me to think about him 24/7 when I'm sure he doesn't?
How do I ask him where I stand?
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Khalas.
I've finished.
My A Levels, the bitch of my life, it's all over.
What an emotional day it was yesterday.
Spanish written, being the most hardest topic to revise for and do, i found my eyes getting teary every other minute.
I woke up several times in the night during the week, fearing the spanish exam, not the other exams i had during that week... Just the Spanish one.
The morning of the exam I woke up three hours early and I thought I'd get a case of the runs, I had to take 3 Kalms tablets, eat a banana and tried to force myself back to sleep.
I then decided to pleasure myself and see if that got rid of the feeling. No, it didn't. My exhaustion and stress lead me to use no effort at all, and so even though I had just started to excite my nether regions, I decided it would be no good for a bully wank now.
I went to college at 9, and I found my breathing becoming shallow and my tear ducts working again. I rushed to the library, and had a good cry.
This wasn't tears of me never going back to college, it was tears of pure fear.
I don't know how I lasted till 1pm, but I managed to relax a little and even eat.
Do you know what? It was a waste, the questions were general and I blagged for all I was worth and even managed to get in some dates and quotes. So, hopefully, I'm still right in hoping for an A.
So, on August 16th, I am expecting BBE, but I'm hoping for AAD...
And no, there's no more resits after this. Thank God for that!
My A Levels, the bitch of my life, it's all over.
What an emotional day it was yesterday.
Spanish written, being the most hardest topic to revise for and do, i found my eyes getting teary every other minute.
I woke up several times in the night during the week, fearing the spanish exam, not the other exams i had during that week... Just the Spanish one.
The morning of the exam I woke up three hours early and I thought I'd get a case of the runs, I had to take 3 Kalms tablets, eat a banana and tried to force myself back to sleep.
I then decided to pleasure myself and see if that got rid of the feeling. No, it didn't. My exhaustion and stress lead me to use no effort at all, and so even though I had just started to excite my nether regions, I decided it would be no good for a bully wank now.
I went to college at 9, and I found my breathing becoming shallow and my tear ducts working again. I rushed to the library, and had a good cry.
This wasn't tears of me never going back to college, it was tears of pure fear.
I don't know how I lasted till 1pm, but I managed to relax a little and even eat.
Do you know what? It was a waste, the questions were general and I blagged for all I was worth and even managed to get in some dates and quotes. So, hopefully, I'm still right in hoping for an A.
So, on August 16th, I am expecting BBE, but I'm hoping for AAD...
And no, there's no more resits after this. Thank God for that!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
...The Deep-Nessy Story...
...The sun fell between the leaves of the big tree and dappled across her face, highlighting her eyelashes as she slowly fluttered her eyes and finally closed them again. She lay under the tree, on her front with her head rested on her crossed arms. She welcomed the rays of sunshine that bell in between the leaves and on her bare skin…
Deep leant back against the tree and continued to caress her foot with an ear of corn. He moved it gingerly up and down the sole of her foot, hardly letting the little fibres touch her skin. The sudden contact would surprise and tickle her, making her curl her toes and let out a giggle…
She was spending the weekend in a countryside cottage, which was her idea of Hell. However, it turned out that she felt as if she were in paradise; with the warm sun massaging her back, the smell of freshly cut grass and lack of noise awakening her senses… & Deep’s company…
He could see the smug look on her face as she smiled to herself, and his own lips curled into a smile. He was in a playful mood and wanted her to wake up from her daydream. He got on all fours and crawled towards her, so that he was able to look at the freckles on her bronzed back. He gently blew on her neck, knowing it would stir her from her peaceful state. She let out a small gasp and shrugged her shoulders to reveal a curve in her back, starting from the bottom of her neck to where her dress started. Even through the thin white material, he could see that it ended at her lower back. Feeling mischievous, he stroked the ear down the curve; making her squirm more the lower he moved it. He stopped abruptly when he reached the bottom, allowing her to move to a more comfortable position to play with him, but she curled her legs under her and went back to daydreaming in the sun.
Deep wasn’t satisfied, the sight of her exposed mocha coloured skin was creating thoughts in his mind, which resulted in a rapid increase in size at his crotch.
He reached over to the basket of fruit and brought a grape to his lips. He bit into the deep red fruit, releasing its juices. He placed the sweet, soft, pink flesh between his lips and pressed his body against hers as he reached over for her arm. He kissed her slowly up the arm, letting the juice from the grape fall on her skin. The feeling of each droplet on her bare skin felt intense as she squeezed her eyes shut and felt him throbbing against the small of her back. Deep began to use his tongue to gently flick the juice off her and she responded by letting out a barely audible moan.
He took this as a sign of approval and continued sucking and licking the juice up her arm. He got to Nessy’s neck and reached around, underneath her, to her other shoulder and turned her over, so that she was lying on her back.
She unhurriedly opened her eyes to look at him, her fingers delicately tracing the contours of his chest, his breath softly moving the hairs around her neck. She let out a sigh, and then smiled, only to find Deep smirking at her. Nessy tenderly smoothed her finger over his bottom lip, using her other hand to slowly bring his face closer to hers. She closed her eyes and tasted the cocoa butter lip balm that she had forced on him a few hours ago. Her lips massaged his bottom lip, whilst playing with his earlobe between her index and middle finger. Deep attempted to use his tongue, when she turned her face and pushed him away. She smiled coyly and bit her bottom lip, only making him get more frustrated.
With no warning, like a vampire, he went for her neck making her writhe and squirm under all the pressure, she arched her back and dragged her nails down his back. She felt herself pulsate between her legs and moved her hands back to his chest, her hands feeling their way under his shirt, her nails lightly passing over his navel. Whilst moving further down with his kisses, Deep guided her hand down his trousers gently, holding her hand in his, together they wrapped their hands around his shaft. He let go of her hand and started stroking her thigh, making her grip him a bit tighter. He pushed her dress up higher, and parted her legs slightly; he then carried on letting his finger flutter against her skin, travelling inwards and upwards until he reached her knickers.
She released her grip and moved her fingers up towards his snail trail and lightly tickled his skin, hoping that by doing so, Deep would follow suit. Her black-netted knickers were becoming damp, and she felt there to be a warmth trying to rise up outside of her; she yearned for his fingers to brush the material to one side, and finally, dance inside her. Deep gently traced the patterns of the butterflies on her knickers, lightly, with hardly any pressure, so that his fingers couldn’t be felt on her skin, just the movement of the material. Nessy inhaled and bit her lip, her nails slightly scraping his skin, she tried hard to keep her eyes open but they refused to obey her mind and were tightly shut. His thumb rubbed at the butterfly that was situated directly on top the opening of her lips, making her whimper and raise her lower body towards him; she desperately wanted him to touch her pounding sweet spot. His fingers ran up the net, and he played with the pink satin ribbon, making it rub against the skin on her tummy. He tucked a finger under the waistline and felt the contrast of textures between the satin ribbon at the waistline and the net; he enjoyed seeing her crave him to be inside her and carried on playing with the fabric whilst watching her facial muscles tense and crumple up if he accidentally let his fingers glide over her skin.
Unsatisfied with the way things were going, Nessy curled her fingers around his sack, and tightened her grip, making him flinch his hands away from her. She looked at him under her creased forehead, her eyes strong and dark – she meant business. She traced her fingers back up from under his pants, to his chest up to his neck… she massaged his jaw and nibbled on his bottom lip… Her hand forced his down under her knickers; she felt relieved and let go of his lips and let her pleasure be known by moaning loudly....
Deep leant back against the tree and continued to caress her foot with an ear of corn. He moved it gingerly up and down the sole of her foot, hardly letting the little fibres touch her skin. The sudden contact would surprise and tickle her, making her curl her toes and let out a giggle…
She was spending the weekend in a countryside cottage, which was her idea of Hell. However, it turned out that she felt as if she were in paradise; with the warm sun massaging her back, the smell of freshly cut grass and lack of noise awakening her senses… & Deep’s company…
He could see the smug look on her face as she smiled to herself, and his own lips curled into a smile. He was in a playful mood and wanted her to wake up from her daydream. He got on all fours and crawled towards her, so that he was able to look at the freckles on her bronzed back. He gently blew on her neck, knowing it would stir her from her peaceful state. She let out a small gasp and shrugged her shoulders to reveal a curve in her back, starting from the bottom of her neck to where her dress started. Even through the thin white material, he could see that it ended at her lower back. Feeling mischievous, he stroked the ear down the curve; making her squirm more the lower he moved it. He stopped abruptly when he reached the bottom, allowing her to move to a more comfortable position to play with him, but she curled her legs under her and went back to daydreaming in the sun.
Deep wasn’t satisfied, the sight of her exposed mocha coloured skin was creating thoughts in his mind, which resulted in a rapid increase in size at his crotch.
He reached over to the basket of fruit and brought a grape to his lips. He bit into the deep red fruit, releasing its juices. He placed the sweet, soft, pink flesh between his lips and pressed his body against hers as he reached over for her arm. He kissed her slowly up the arm, letting the juice from the grape fall on her skin. The feeling of each droplet on her bare skin felt intense as she squeezed her eyes shut and felt him throbbing against the small of her back. Deep began to use his tongue to gently flick the juice off her and she responded by letting out a barely audible moan.
He took this as a sign of approval and continued sucking and licking the juice up her arm. He got to Nessy’s neck and reached around, underneath her, to her other shoulder and turned her over, so that she was lying on her back.
She unhurriedly opened her eyes to look at him, her fingers delicately tracing the contours of his chest, his breath softly moving the hairs around her neck. She let out a sigh, and then smiled, only to find Deep smirking at her. Nessy tenderly smoothed her finger over his bottom lip, using her other hand to slowly bring his face closer to hers. She closed her eyes and tasted the cocoa butter lip balm that she had forced on him a few hours ago. Her lips massaged his bottom lip, whilst playing with his earlobe between her index and middle finger. Deep attempted to use his tongue, when she turned her face and pushed him away. She smiled coyly and bit her bottom lip, only making him get more frustrated.
With no warning, like a vampire, he went for her neck making her writhe and squirm under all the pressure, she arched her back and dragged her nails down his back. She felt herself pulsate between her legs and moved her hands back to his chest, her hands feeling their way under his shirt, her nails lightly passing over his navel. Whilst moving further down with his kisses, Deep guided her hand down his trousers gently, holding her hand in his, together they wrapped their hands around his shaft. He let go of her hand and started stroking her thigh, making her grip him a bit tighter. He pushed her dress up higher, and parted her legs slightly; he then carried on letting his finger flutter against her skin, travelling inwards and upwards until he reached her knickers.
She released her grip and moved her fingers up towards his snail trail and lightly tickled his skin, hoping that by doing so, Deep would follow suit. Her black-netted knickers were becoming damp, and she felt there to be a warmth trying to rise up outside of her; she yearned for his fingers to brush the material to one side, and finally, dance inside her. Deep gently traced the patterns of the butterflies on her knickers, lightly, with hardly any pressure, so that his fingers couldn’t be felt on her skin, just the movement of the material. Nessy inhaled and bit her lip, her nails slightly scraping his skin, she tried hard to keep her eyes open but they refused to obey her mind and were tightly shut. His thumb rubbed at the butterfly that was situated directly on top the opening of her lips, making her whimper and raise her lower body towards him; she desperately wanted him to touch her pounding sweet spot. His fingers ran up the net, and he played with the pink satin ribbon, making it rub against the skin on her tummy. He tucked a finger under the waistline and felt the contrast of textures between the satin ribbon at the waistline and the net; he enjoyed seeing her crave him to be inside her and carried on playing with the fabric whilst watching her facial muscles tense and crumple up if he accidentally let his fingers glide over her skin.
Unsatisfied with the way things were going, Nessy curled her fingers around his sack, and tightened her grip, making him flinch his hands away from her. She looked at him under her creased forehead, her eyes strong and dark – she meant business. She traced her fingers back up from under his pants, to his chest up to his neck… she massaged his jaw and nibbled on his bottom lip… Her hand forced his down under her knickers; she felt relieved and let go of his lips and let her pleasure be known by moaning loudly....
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Cauli....
Okeys, before I say anything...
*pounce attack*
Cauli, I hope it doesn't even get to the stage where you are given the 3 year sentence...
I really am holding on to that hope.
I still don't understand what actually happened, even though you've explained several times...
I don't know what to say or do, except to pray to whatever/whoever's out there that it all goes well for you.
If things don't go our way, then I know you have a lot of friends on the inside, I hope they take care of you.
I know I should tell you this, but I get all embarassed and shy everytime I try... but... I admire you a lot and I have a lot of respect for you, Cauli. You're one of the very few people who hasn't judged me, despite of my actions and your strong beliefs. I respect you too much to call you a girlfriend, you are indeed my Cauli... and you're very special to me...
I wish one day I could tell you that, rather than a quick "pounce attack" on msn and a "I lobe you"... but that's how Giti is.
I've messaged you on Facebook with my number, let me know what happens.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers smelly.
Love you.
x
*pounce attack*
Cauli, I hope it doesn't even get to the stage where you are given the 3 year sentence...
I really am holding on to that hope.
I still don't understand what actually happened, even though you've explained several times...
I don't know what to say or do, except to pray to whatever/whoever's out there that it all goes well for you.
If things don't go our way, then I know you have a lot of friends on the inside, I hope they take care of you.
I know I should tell you this, but I get all embarassed and shy everytime I try... but... I admire you a lot and I have a lot of respect for you, Cauli. You're one of the very few people who hasn't judged me, despite of my actions and your strong beliefs. I respect you too much to call you a girlfriend, you are indeed my Cauli... and you're very special to me...
I wish one day I could tell you that, rather than a quick "pounce attack" on msn and a "I lobe you"... but that's how Giti is.
I've messaged you on Facebook with my number, let me know what happens.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers smelly.
Love you.
x
Phone-sitting...
He tells you he'll call you some time, you both smile, say bye, and walk off.
That's when it starts, the annoying impulses to look at your phone every 5 to 10 seconds. The urge to always have your phone on hand, just in case. The desire to be alone in your room, free from noise and distraction, all ready and set for when he calls.
When he finally does call, it's an almost disappointment.
"Hey, thought I'd just call and say 'Hi'."
"That was nice of you, how are you?"
"Yea I'm cool. Listen hunny, I'm going to have to shoot off for a while, I'll call later."
That's when it starts, the annoying impulses to look at your phone every 5 to 10 seconds. The urge to always have your phone on hand, just in case. The desire to be alone in your room, free from noise and distraction, all ready and set for when he calls.
When he finally does call, it's an almost disappointment.
"Hey, thought I'd just call and say 'Hi'."
"That was nice of you, how are you?"
"Yea I'm cool. Listen hunny, I'm going to have to shoot off for a while, I'll call later."
The excitement that had risen from the pit of your stomach to your throat and made you jump up and down and fan yourself before answering the call only seconds ago, slowly gurgles back down your oesophagus into the gastric juices of your belly.
You waited all that time to talk to him, and you had so much to say, and you even planned how to say it all without coming on too strong... and he had to go. Obviously not his fault, but still, he had to go. And it happens time and time again.
A little cycle.
With circumstances like how they are, you're not able to meet up with him as often as you'd like, and so you're reduced to waiting by the phone for his call.
No, you're not a scab, you do call him, but he's a bit more busier than you and he insists he calls you cause he has a nifty business phone contract with a kajillion minutes.
Usually, he makes up for the disappointing phone calls during the day, by calling at night whilst he's unwinding for his bed-time. A conversation lasts between 20 minutes to 2 or 3 hours. You speak more than him, but then he starts telling you a bed time story and suddenly you find yourself mute. Only making barely audible noises to show that you're enjoying the creation of his imagination. After reaching the climax of the story (sometimes even before that!), you both start slurring your speech and talk utter nonsense to each other.
A "you smell" or "you're cute" will slip out , either form you or him, and then you know it's time to put the phone down. He says he'll call you in the morning, and a tiny bit of excitement starts to fizz already inside you. You sleep lightly that night, not wanting to miss his call in the morning.
One day, when you wake up at 5:46am to check your phone for any missed calls from him, you realise he's employed you on a voluntary basis for the position of the phone-sitter. What makes it weird is, it's your phone you have to "sit", not his, or a flashy company phone.
It's OK though, the non-financial benefits are good. Lots of cuddling, fondling and a whole lot of smooching. Best of all, he makes you feel special. It's all good.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Changes...
A lot has happened since my last blog post...
Here's the summary (I have an exam tomorrow, so I can't go into much detail)
Here's the summary (I have an exam tomorrow, so I can't go into much detail)
- I've finally finished college (well I'm sitting exams at the moment, and I finish those on Friday, but I've finished my A2 course. Yay me!)
- Mambo is legally married, now.
- MuMu had that stint with MoustacheBoy
- We've all noticed what Mehbooba is really like.. A young girl who wants to be liked by others, so will do anything to please them i.e. suffocate them!
- I've got a few pairs of heels now, a short skirt, and some very revealing tops.
- Religion is almost like Quantum Physics to me: I don't understand it. I've decided to back away from anything religious. And no! I'm not converting to Hinduism or Sikhism, I never would. They're cool religions, but they're not me.
- After learning about schizophrenia, well just the basics, I've diagnosed myself to suffer form some clinical characteristics of this disorder. Quasimodo has helped me realise I have multiple personalities... Oh and Dr. Pooh Cow has said that I show signs of depersonalisation and derealisation - characteristics of psychosis.
- Quasimodo and I went on a date. Being a wizard, he made magic happen. No, I'm still single... but as SimLew would say "We be feelin' each ovver".
- Facebook is possibly the best thing made on the net.
- My friendship with MuMu and MiMi is going from strength to strength.
- I think the awkwardness has left me and TV... We're able to chat about ANYTHING! (except, I haven't told him about Quasimodo yet).
- K-Bin-Walid? He wants to meet up... He says he might almost fancy me... His wifey likes me... I think he's pretty alright... but, my conscience beats me up with a metal stick every time I think of doing anything with him.
- Nani left for Bangladesh in April... I miss her... She was a G.
- My computer's Internet died. So I had to buy a new computer. It has Vista on it. It's crap!
- I'm no longer unemployed. I have a part time job in retail.
- Mambo may be pregnant... We shall see after July 2nd, what actually happens.
- I kissed MuMu and groped her. She kissed me back. I creamed myself and had to sneak off to another room to feel better.
- I'm flirting with a gross guy. SpandexBoi. I don't even know why. I don't even want to. But it's too easy to mess with him.
- I'm thinking of going into Modelling.
- I'm also thinking of maybe doing a postgrad course in journalism or something media related.
- My dad's decided that I should go into local Politics.
- I've finally released my inner bitch, she goes by the name of Nessy.
I'm now going to wait by my phone for a call from Quasimodo, before I go to sleep in order to wake up fresh and revise a whole module for Psychology.
Good luck to those who are still doing exams, hopefully your hard work will pay off. Keep yourselves happy with the thought that it's not too long till you're free. Whoo!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The Count Down's On... 5 More Days...
I've not been able to blog, due to exams, illness.. and of course, the family...
okeys, well, i think i should explain the whole RatBoy situation first...
Christmas Eve, i told him straight that i liked him, after messing around for a year..
and he just came out with "I'll leave sorting out our date up to you"
recently, i spoke to him about my birthday...
him : how old you gonna be? 13?
me : lolz, i know i can be childish, but why such a young age?
him : i think it's the curfew...
hmmm... and even more recently, he's been telling me he wants to sleep with me, every time we speak...
I know i don't like his face, cause every so often i have a panic attack about what I'd do when we're face to face, and if *things* happened... but something draws me towards him... but I'm confused, i don't know whether i like him, cause i like him... or i like him cause he flirts with me, and pays attention to me...
Okeys, as well as Ratboy, there's been other guys playing on my mind too.. *blushes*
him : you'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
as much as we both tried not to act smushy and lovey dovey with each other, it was hard... cause he is genuinely lovely...
K-Bin-Walid... it started off me always chatting about how fit his Mrs was... but then we started talking... and it's odd, how i hardly know anything about him, but we know each others' secretest fantasies... he wants a mistress... a lesbianism mistress... LMAO! it's weird, cause he was like "i don't wanna speak to you anymore, cause things might lead on from one thing to another..." and i just came back with "i don't wanna be a home wrecker" lolz..
he's cute, and he's my girlfriend... and apart from sharing our sexualism stories, there's nothing else...
...Now, Quasimodo...? he's just something else.... yes, again off a forum, [ how socially inept am i?! ] ... and totalllyyyyy older than me... but.... haaaaaiiiiii...
you know??
it's weird, i don't know much about him... but i tell him everything about me..
actually, i do that with everyone... i love myself... oh gawd..
but OMG! quasimodo, is probably one of the fittest REAL people I've *thought* about... (yes, Owais Khan IS real... but not real enough for me to attempt to seduce him)
okeys, with all the horny stuff out the way...
I'll get onto family...
Nani's back in UK... she stayed in my room for a month...
so that meant i went a month without sleep...
My aunties from Germany and Cardiff came and scared me shitless with talk of ghosts... so that added to my sleeping problem... and I'm still trying to fix my sleeping pattern...
Nani's now in either Derby, or Cardiff... but apparently she's coming back the day before my birthday.... great(!) ... i know that sounds horrible...
and i love her to bits...
but it's a bit harder to leave the house when she's there... she asks a lot of questions.. the parents don't...
The parents have made it clear they hate my friends... and I've spent the past 2 months now "friend free"...
I've also stopped going to town, stopped making plans, and i haven't been out to dance for 3 months... (this is gonna stop on my Birthday, cause I'm going out and plan to stay out for aaaages)
The parents want Meme and the Cow to move schools...
I scared Meme into thinking his new school was in Canada
"but i can't speak Canandanian!" lmao!!! haww bless him...
BTW, BREAKING NEWS - I've taken 3 driving lessons finally!!!! JUST before i turn 19 lmao!... it's very scarey, and I've nearly cried twice... but... insha Allah it should get better... i just don't wanna loose any more moneys.... I hope i get cash for prezzies on Friday, it'll help me soo much!
The right side of my face feels fractured, it's probably a toothache..
my first ever tooth/teeth problem (except braces... shhhh!)
I feel like I've been ill for aaages... I caught the flu in late January which made me miss my Psychology Unit 4 paper... GAYNESS! and i just feel like I've not been able to recover, and with the sleep deprivation, the almost depression, the visits from ToM haven't really helped....
but... i feel good...
5 more days of being 8teen...
I'll make them good!
If i don't blog before Friday then...
okeys, well, i think i should explain the whole RatBoy situation first...
Christmas Eve, i told him straight that i liked him, after messing around for a year..
and he just came out with "I'll leave sorting out our date up to you"
recently, i spoke to him about my birthday...
him : how old you gonna be? 13?
me : lolz, i know i can be childish, but why such a young age?
him : i think it's the curfew...
hmmm... and even more recently, he's been telling me he wants to sleep with me, every time we speak...
I know i don't like his face, cause every so often i have a panic attack about what I'd do when we're face to face, and if *things* happened... but something draws me towards him... but I'm confused, i don't know whether i like him, cause i like him... or i like him cause he flirts with me, and pays attention to me...
Okeys, as well as Ratboy, there's been other guys playing on my mind too.. *blushes*
Being an active member on different online forums, i was chosen to take part in a "Big Brother" valentines thingy... (after nominating myself obviously).... and I became closer to Squidgles, who is like them loyal dogs, who will always cheer you up no matter what... e.g
me : ...but i feel and look like them men from Shrek..him : you'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
as much as we both tried not to act smushy and lovey dovey with each other, it was hard... cause he is genuinely lovely...
K-Bin-Walid... it started off me always chatting about how fit his Mrs was... but then we started talking... and it's odd, how i hardly know anything about him, but we know each others' secretest fantasies... he wants a mistress... a lesbianism mistress... LMAO! it's weird, cause he was like "i don't wanna speak to you anymore, cause things might lead on from one thing to another..." and i just came back with "i don't wanna be a home wrecker" lolz..
he's cute, and he's my girlfriend... and apart from sharing our sexualism stories, there's nothing else...
...Now, Quasimodo...? he's just something else.... yes, again off a forum, [ how socially inept am i?! ] ... and totalllyyyyy older than me... but.... haaaaaiiiiii...
you know??
it's weird, i don't know much about him... but i tell him everything about me..
actually, i do that with everyone... i love myself... oh gawd..
but OMG! quasimodo, is probably one of the fittest REAL people I've *thought* about... (yes, Owais Khan IS real... but not real enough for me to attempt to seduce him)
okeys, with all the horny stuff out the way...
I'll get onto family...
Nani's back in UK... she stayed in my room for a month...
so that meant i went a month without sleep...
My aunties from Germany and Cardiff came and scared me shitless with talk of ghosts... so that added to my sleeping problem... and I'm still trying to fix my sleeping pattern...
Nani's now in either Derby, or Cardiff... but apparently she's coming back the day before my birthday.... great(!) ... i know that sounds horrible...
and i love her to bits...
but it's a bit harder to leave the house when she's there... she asks a lot of questions.. the parents don't...
The parents have made it clear they hate my friends... and I've spent the past 2 months now "friend free"...
I've also stopped going to town, stopped making plans, and i haven't been out to dance for 3 months... (this is gonna stop on my Birthday, cause I'm going out and plan to stay out for aaaages)
The parents want Meme and the Cow to move schools...
I scared Meme into thinking his new school was in Canada
"but i can't speak Canandanian!" lmao!!! haww bless him...
BTW, BREAKING NEWS - I've taken 3 driving lessons finally!!!! JUST before i turn 19 lmao!... it's very scarey, and I've nearly cried twice... but... insha Allah it should get better... i just don't wanna loose any more moneys.... I hope i get cash for prezzies on Friday, it'll help me soo much!
The right side of my face feels fractured, it's probably a toothache..
my first ever tooth/teeth problem (except braces... shhhh!)
I feel like I've been ill for aaages... I caught the flu in late January which made me miss my Psychology Unit 4 paper... GAYNESS! and i just feel like I've not been able to recover, and with the sleep deprivation, the almost depression, the visits from ToM haven't really helped....
but... i feel good...
5 more days of being 8teen...
I'll make them good!
If i don't blog before Friday then...
Giti, Happy 19th Birthday...
#...Baar baar din yeh aye,
Baar baar dil yeh gaye,
tu jiye hazaaro saal
yeh meri hai arzoo...#
Monday, December 25, 2006
Giti's Life Update...
okeys, firstly, i had the ultra sound (not the anigav one though THANK GOD!) still haven't had any results back... but atleast the wait for the ulstrasound is over... my facial hair is growing at mega speed, spots are coming everywhere, and i swear i'm getting fatter...
Mimi and Mumu are in India, and i'm soo depressed... I decided to leave my city, and go to London to keep myself busy and put them at the back of my mind... it worked... but i was only there for 3 days, cause parents were being gay and if they could, they would've made me come home on the same day!
It was fun though, went to Oxford St. finally, and spent like 6 hours window shopping, met an online mate - well actually a few - ate Nandos... watched 4 movies, ate Chicken Shwarmas, danced around without worrying that my parents would kill me... and just generally forgot about eveyrthing... I had fun! and coming back has made me realise just how much i need regular breaks from my family...
Christmas Day... and I'm crying for a break... lolz..
i spent ALL day yesterday with my little sister, and by then end of it i couldn't stand being civil anymore.. i just wanted to rip her hair out... and today, with everything being closed, mum and dad didn't take her out anywhere... THIS is torture!
i've got exams in a week or two... and i was meant to upload some spanish paragraphs to my teachers thingy for her to check a week, no wait, 2 weeks ago.. i still haven't got round to WRITING the paragraphs... and Psychology? I'm failing that i think...
Starting from tomorrow, I NEED to start revising.. but parents don't seem to understand...
and there's been a tiny advance in the RatBoy story... but i think that's kinda messed up everything now.... 1 step forward, 2 steps back... don't really know to be honest...
That's kinda everything summed up.. i think!
Mimi and Mumu are in India, and i'm soo depressed... I decided to leave my city, and go to London to keep myself busy and put them at the back of my mind... it worked... but i was only there for 3 days, cause parents were being gay and if they could, they would've made me come home on the same day!
It was fun though, went to Oxford St. finally, and spent like 6 hours window shopping, met an online mate - well actually a few - ate Nandos... watched 4 movies, ate Chicken Shwarmas, danced around without worrying that my parents would kill me... and just generally forgot about eveyrthing... I had fun! and coming back has made me realise just how much i need regular breaks from my family...
Christmas Day... and I'm crying for a break... lolz..
i spent ALL day yesterday with my little sister, and by then end of it i couldn't stand being civil anymore.. i just wanted to rip her hair out... and today, with everything being closed, mum and dad didn't take her out anywhere... THIS is torture!
i've got exams in a week or two... and i was meant to upload some spanish paragraphs to my teachers thingy for her to check a week, no wait, 2 weeks ago.. i still haven't got round to WRITING the paragraphs... and Psychology? I'm failing that i think...
Starting from tomorrow, I NEED to start revising.. but parents don't seem to understand...
and there's been a tiny advance in the RatBoy story... but i think that's kinda messed up everything now.... 1 step forward, 2 steps back... don't really know to be honest...
That's kinda everything summed up.. i think!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Anigav Inspection!
I got the letter in the post coupla days back... actually, i was told about it from my dad!
"Giti, you're hospital appointment letter's on the board" I get a few hospital apointments a year, and since i complain of everything, i didn't really care too much that my dad opened it... oh, how i cared when i read the bold words!
"UltrasoundPelvis" and "UltrasoundTransVaginal"
i ripped the letter off the board and rushed upstairs...
the appointment's this thursday at 11.40... i think my parents have forgotten about it... but i'll let them know tomorrow that my mates are taking me...
I remember my last ultrasound i was terrified... and i KNEW that it was just them moving something on my belly... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A TRANSVAGINAL SCAN INVOLVES!!!
I am actually reallly scared...
but my friends all around me are being really nice and reassuring about it...
...I'm really scared...!
"Giti, you're hospital appointment letter's on the board" I get a few hospital apointments a year, and since i complain of everything, i didn't really care too much that my dad opened it... oh, how i cared when i read the bold words!
"UltrasoundPelvis" and "UltrasoundTransVaginal"
i ripped the letter off the board and rushed upstairs...
the appointment's this thursday at 11.40... i think my parents have forgotten about it... but i'll let them know tomorrow that my mates are taking me...
I remember my last ultrasound i was terrified... and i KNEW that it was just them moving something on my belly... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A TRANSVAGINAL SCAN INVOLVES!!!
I am actually reallly scared...
but my friends all around me are being really nice and reassuring about it...
...I'm really scared...!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
...It's Eating me again...
Over the years, i've had times when i've pushed everyone away, and just wanted to be on my own...
the last one i had was in january after my exams... I pushed Telf away and avoided him for ages, i started missing school and spending more time in bed... i just hated being awake, and kind of hate living...
but, what i felt back then has nothing on how i feel now... I feel soo drained... yet, when i see people, i *act* like i have soo much energy, and i laugh soo much i feel giddy... but when they can't see me, i immediately feel like flopping down cause i feel like i have no energy in me...
I hate everything, so much shit goin on around me... not necessarily connected to me... but just shitty gay things happening everywhere...what next, a tsunami??
I've started to stop eating, but i force myself to eat big main meals, cause i don't wanna die anymore... but i don't want to eat anymore... yes, i'm craving kebabs and chocolate, but i know the minute i get them, i'll throw them away...
and my sleep? yes i've slept soo much more since thursday, but... i wake up more tired and exhausted than if i didn't sleep at all... i wake up every 5 minutes, and i have the most puzzling dreams.. not nightmares, they're quite pleasant, but they confuse me soo much that they leave me feeling upset... (the dream where i got given one of the most nicest hugs - that i could ACTUALLY FEEL IN REAL LIFE, if that makes sense - and i could smell his scent... but i couldn't see his face)
all of this has started affecting my family life, my parents have been lecturing me since friday night, only because i can't be bothered to listen to anyone, all i wanna do is sleep..
why don't they understand??
i don't wanna be awake anymore... it's eating me, and i can't get away from it!
the last one i had was in january after my exams... I pushed Telf away and avoided him for ages, i started missing school and spending more time in bed... i just hated being awake, and kind of hate living...
but, what i felt back then has nothing on how i feel now... I feel soo drained... yet, when i see people, i *act* like i have soo much energy, and i laugh soo much i feel giddy... but when they can't see me, i immediately feel like flopping down cause i feel like i have no energy in me...
I hate everything, so much shit goin on around me... not necessarily connected to me... but just shitty gay things happening everywhere...what next, a tsunami??
I've started to stop eating, but i force myself to eat big main meals, cause i don't wanna die anymore... but i don't want to eat anymore... yes, i'm craving kebabs and chocolate, but i know the minute i get them, i'll throw them away...
and my sleep? yes i've slept soo much more since thursday, but... i wake up more tired and exhausted than if i didn't sleep at all... i wake up every 5 minutes, and i have the most puzzling dreams.. not nightmares, they're quite pleasant, but they confuse me soo much that they leave me feeling upset... (the dream where i got given one of the most nicest hugs - that i could ACTUALLY FEEL IN REAL LIFE, if that makes sense - and i could smell his scent... but i couldn't see his face)
all of this has started affecting my family life, my parents have been lecturing me since friday night, only because i can't be bothered to listen to anyone, all i wanna do is sleep..
why don't they understand??
i don't wanna be awake anymore... it's eating me, and i can't get away from it!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Living off Stress...
Everything i do involves an element of stress, even if it's a teensy weensy amount.. there's still SOME stress in it...
and i love it... Running around, not eating, spending any money i have... just to make whatever it is perfect...
The Parties, the homeworks, the Hi5 profiles... even just making a jacket potatoe...
and i realise now, why i keep craving this stress... this lifestyle of just rush, rush, rush... I hate sitting down, relaxing and just thinking... i absolutely hate it... i don't mind spending alone time writing stories, or "blogs" or just day dreaming... but just sitting to relax really gets to me...
I've spent the past day just sitting, listening to music and drifting in and out of sleep... and i've hated it... i keep thinkin about all the crap that's happened... and it's not only with what happened recently...
I remember back when i started rebelling and acting up... the minute i was left alone with nothing to do, the thoughts used to attack me...
thoughts of how i'm not close to anyone in my family, how i'm not talented at anything... and the one that comes up the most, how i'm the only person who hasn't had that special connection with someone, even though everyone else i know have had kajillions of these connections...
i guess that may be why i started gettin involved with so many things, and may be that's why i hate staying at home unless i have work to do or something...
my life is like a calendar, i'm always crossing off the days till the next big event... whether that's going shopping with mates, a party, or just waxing my legs... i need to distract myself with thoughts like "what time are we meeting up?" "have i bought all the balloons?" "if i wax my legs tonight, how long can i go without doing them again?"...
if i didn't condition myself to create unneccesary stress, then i would make myself ill by actually worrying about "stressful" things...
and i love it... Running around, not eating, spending any money i have... just to make whatever it is perfect...
The Parties, the homeworks, the Hi5 profiles... even just making a jacket potatoe...
and i realise now, why i keep craving this stress... this lifestyle of just rush, rush, rush... I hate sitting down, relaxing and just thinking... i absolutely hate it... i don't mind spending alone time writing stories, or "blogs" or just day dreaming... but just sitting to relax really gets to me...
I've spent the past day just sitting, listening to music and drifting in and out of sleep... and i've hated it... i keep thinkin about all the crap that's happened... and it's not only with what happened recently...
I remember back when i started rebelling and acting up... the minute i was left alone with nothing to do, the thoughts used to attack me...
thoughts of how i'm not close to anyone in my family, how i'm not talented at anything... and the one that comes up the most, how i'm the only person who hasn't had that special connection with someone, even though everyone else i know have had kajillions of these connections...
i guess that may be why i started gettin involved with so many things, and may be that's why i hate staying at home unless i have work to do or something...
my life is like a calendar, i'm always crossing off the days till the next big event... whether that's going shopping with mates, a party, or just waxing my legs... i need to distract myself with thoughts like "what time are we meeting up?" "have i bought all the balloons?" "if i wax my legs tonight, how long can i go without doing them again?"...
if i didn't condition myself to create unneccesary stress, then i would make myself ill by actually worrying about "stressful" things...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
...speechless...
I said no ....
a year ago i said no... that it felt odd... that it wasn't right...
yet it was perfect...
and tonight...? i wanted to say yes... that i'm ready... that i want to go further...
and i wake up from my dream, and reality slaps me in the face
"I'm getting married soon... I can't speak to you anymore"....
This felt even worser than me wanting to stop speaking to Shaaf...
I had prepared myself to ask him if we could spend more time together.. see if things wouldn't be so bad...
The past week i had been thinking to myself that maybe he was "the one"....
After the party, EVERYONE told me that it was obvious that we were BOTH feeling each other... and i decided that i'd left it long enough...
Had i said yes when he first asked me... maybe things would've been different now... we might have brokeded up within the first 4 weeks, or we may still have been together.... how am i gonna know now??
Usually i'm full of words and can talk for hours when i'm emotional...
today i feel drained... and i'm strugglin just to write this...
and to be honest... i'm still a bit speechless... i don't know what to say to all this...
do i accept it?
or do i fight it, although i dunno for sure if i wanna be with him??
a year ago i said no... that it felt odd... that it wasn't right...
yet it was perfect...
and tonight...? i wanted to say yes... that i'm ready... that i want to go further...
and i wake up from my dream, and reality slaps me in the face
"I'm getting married soon... I can't speak to you anymore"....
This felt even worser than me wanting to stop speaking to Shaaf...
I had prepared myself to ask him if we could spend more time together.. see if things wouldn't be so bad...
The past week i had been thinking to myself that maybe he was "the one"....
After the party, EVERYONE told me that it was obvious that we were BOTH feeling each other... and i decided that i'd left it long enough...
Had i said yes when he first asked me... maybe things would've been different now... we might have brokeded up within the first 4 weeks, or we may still have been together.... how am i gonna know now??
Usually i'm full of words and can talk for hours when i'm emotional...
today i feel drained... and i'm strugglin just to write this...
and to be honest... i'm still a bit speechless... i don't know what to say to all this...
do i accept it?
or do i fight it, although i dunno for sure if i wanna be with him??
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
More drama in 30 minutes than any other Soap...
I stood at the bus stop, texting my friend to see if we were still on for a Girly Road trip tomorrow...and i decided to call my mum to pick me up, cause if i had waited for the next number 8 bus, i wouldn't have been home in time to make food for Iftar...
Just as i hung up, a girl in front of me collapsed... a leg bent under her, an arm smacked the ground... A nice gentleman and two elderly ladies helped her up and sat her down on the tiny little bit of plastic... The women sroked her arm and generally tried to make her feel comfortable... I wanted to help, but seeing as she was already being looked after i didn't do much...
Her bus came, and the ladies carried her bags and told her to stand up, she was fine for about 2 seconds, and then she fell again, nearly on me. The gentleman helped her up again, and a lady asked if anyone had a phone.
I offered to call for an ambulance, but i didn't know whether to call hospital or 999... so i asked, and the lady just tutted at me and rolled her eyes and said "YES! 999!"... i was already kinda scared, and she scareded me more!
So i called up, and tried to give our location "on Co-operation St. in front of WHSmith"... i didn't know how else to describe where we were!
and he asked me how she fell, and i was like... "erm... she looked kinda dizzy and fell? really floppily??" and he was like "did she faint?" and i was like... "nooo she hasn't fainted.... she just fell on the floor twice as if she couldn't keep herself up..." and the guy was like.. "i understand, but i need to know why she fainted" and i was like..."i'm sowwie, i reallly don't know.... "
but he was like just reassure her that helps on the way... :)
i got her to sit down on the floor, cause i was scared she might slip off the little bit of plastic that's meant to be a bench... and i gave her my shawl to wear cause she said she was feelin a bit cold...
She was 17 years old, going home from college...
The ambulance peoples came, and the man took her bag, whilst i held her hand and supported her, and walked her to the ambulance...
then i didn't know what i should've done, stayed with her or left...
Seeing as she was a complete stranger and she was in total safe hands i decided i should leave her with them....
and just as i turned around, my mummy was parked behind the ambulance...
so i hopped in, and i started telling them what had happened...
i then heared my mum saying something like "that's odd, i thought your dad had filled in the water the other day"... i didn't really pay much attention...
and told mum to carry on driving, we could always fill it up once we got home...
we then got stuck in traffic, and i looked at her dashboard thingy and hte water light was red! not even flashing.. it was PERMANENTLY red!
and then the bonnet started smoking!
we tried to park the car, but we were in chocablock traffic, and in the inner lane, so it would've been a nightmare for my mum... and then i heard a horrible rattling scarey noise.. and i panicked!
i switched the hazard lights on, and told my mum and sister to GET OUT the car...
we were standing in the middle of one of the BUSIEST roads in my city... and our car was gonna blow up...
i didn't know what to do, so i called dad to get here ASAP!
So many peoples passed us and not one person even asked to help us... a lot of them looked at us with a kinda pityful sympathetic look... but no one did anything...
we waited for about 15 minutes... and then a woman came over and was like "shall i help you push the car towards the pavement?"
The traffic had eased down now, and so we were like "okeys..."
and then two gentlemen helped us aswell...
There was some sort of problem with the steering wheel...it was locked or something and so the two men were steering and me, the woman and mum were pushing....
My sister had seen dad drive past the other way....so i started to feel some kind of relief...
the two gentlemen offered me their phones to call some one to take us home... and they were like, don't thank us...
and they went off...
Dad came and took us to his car, after lockin our little clio....
and d'ya know what?
he had a go at me for not taking an earlier bus home!
So much had happened in such little time, i felt kinda overwhelmed in the car... i was sooo close to tears...
I just hope Chloe gets better, and to the 2 men and the lady who helped us, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!
Just as i hung up, a girl in front of me collapsed... a leg bent under her, an arm smacked the ground... A nice gentleman and two elderly ladies helped her up and sat her down on the tiny little bit of plastic... The women sroked her arm and generally tried to make her feel comfortable... I wanted to help, but seeing as she was already being looked after i didn't do much...
Her bus came, and the ladies carried her bags and told her to stand up, she was fine for about 2 seconds, and then she fell again, nearly on me. The gentleman helped her up again, and a lady asked if anyone had a phone.
I offered to call for an ambulance, but i didn't know whether to call hospital or 999... so i asked, and the lady just tutted at me and rolled her eyes and said "YES! 999!"... i was already kinda scared, and she scareded me more!
So i called up, and tried to give our location "on Co-operation St. in front of WHSmith"... i didn't know how else to describe where we were!
and he asked me how she fell, and i was like... "erm... she looked kinda dizzy and fell? really floppily??" and he was like "did she faint?" and i was like... "nooo she hasn't fainted.... she just fell on the floor twice as if she couldn't keep herself up..." and the guy was like.. "i understand, but i need to know why she fainted" and i was like..."i'm sowwie, i reallly don't know.... "
but he was like just reassure her that helps on the way... :)
i got her to sit down on the floor, cause i was scared she might slip off the little bit of plastic that's meant to be a bench... and i gave her my shawl to wear cause she said she was feelin a bit cold...
She was 17 years old, going home from college...
The ambulance peoples came, and the man took her bag, whilst i held her hand and supported her, and walked her to the ambulance...
then i didn't know what i should've done, stayed with her or left...
Seeing as she was a complete stranger and she was in total safe hands i decided i should leave her with them....
and just as i turned around, my mummy was parked behind the ambulance...
so i hopped in, and i started telling them what had happened...
i then heared my mum saying something like "that's odd, i thought your dad had filled in the water the other day"... i didn't really pay much attention...
and told mum to carry on driving, we could always fill it up once we got home...
we then got stuck in traffic, and i looked at her dashboard thingy and hte water light was red! not even flashing.. it was PERMANENTLY red!
and then the bonnet started smoking!
we tried to park the car, but we were in chocablock traffic, and in the inner lane, so it would've been a nightmare for my mum... and then i heard a horrible rattling scarey noise.. and i panicked!
i switched the hazard lights on, and told my mum and sister to GET OUT the car...
we were standing in the middle of one of the BUSIEST roads in my city... and our car was gonna blow up...
i didn't know what to do, so i called dad to get here ASAP!
So many peoples passed us and not one person even asked to help us... a lot of them looked at us with a kinda pityful sympathetic look... but no one did anything...
we waited for about 15 minutes... and then a woman came over and was like "shall i help you push the car towards the pavement?"
The traffic had eased down now, and so we were like "okeys..."
and then two gentlemen helped us aswell...
There was some sort of problem with the steering wheel...it was locked or something and so the two men were steering and me, the woman and mum were pushing....
My sister had seen dad drive past the other way....so i started to feel some kind of relief...
the two gentlemen offered me their phones to call some one to take us home... and they were like, don't thank us...
and they went off...
Dad came and took us to his car, after lockin our little clio....
and d'ya know what?
he had a go at me for not taking an earlier bus home!
So much had happened in such little time, i felt kinda overwhelmed in the car... i was sooo close to tears...
I just hope Chloe gets better, and to the 2 men and the lady who helped us, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!
Monday, October 02, 2006
Garba...
Yaaaayyyy!!!! I finally went!!!
(after a few "but you never let me see my friends" and a bit of acting like a moody cow....)
but yes! i went...
and it was.... fun... i think!
i was toooo scared and nervous to reallly enjoy it...
the main worry was I'm a Muslim at a Hindu Festival...
and as welcoming as Hinduism is meant to be of other faiths... the PEOPLE ... talk!
lolz!
and so, i couldn't reallly relax and enjoy myself...
but omg! i got the garba step!! even the 3-clapped step...
and then dandiya, i got a BIT confuzzled at times... but overall it was good...
(i WILL put up my own definitions of what Navratri, Garba and Dandiya is...)
after coming back with a sore back, a hungry belly, a lengha drenched in sweat, and aching legs... i realised... Navratri is kinda like Ramadhan for Muslims...
as well as the Religious importance of each festival... there's the physical aspect where we kinda... make ourselves fitter... (if that makes sense)
a hindu will abstain form any "wrong food" (meat, alcohol etc) and the garba is a physical thing that makes them fitter...
a muslim controls what they eat when they're not fasting but during fastin hours obviously they don't eat... and the movements of the prayer is what is meant to keep them fit, as it supposedly uses every muscle in the body...
...it's kinda cool how you can find similarities in between religions...
kinda makes you smile :)
(after a few "but you never let me see my friends" and a bit of acting like a moody cow....)
but yes! i went...
and it was.... fun... i think!
i was toooo scared and nervous to reallly enjoy it...
the main worry was I'm a Muslim at a Hindu Festival...
and as welcoming as Hinduism is meant to be of other faiths... the PEOPLE ... talk!
lolz!
and so, i couldn't reallly relax and enjoy myself...
but omg! i got the garba step!! even the 3-clapped step...
and then dandiya, i got a BIT confuzzled at times... but overall it was good...
(i WILL put up my own definitions of what Navratri, Garba and Dandiya is...)
after coming back with a sore back, a hungry belly, a lengha drenched in sweat, and aching legs... i realised... Navratri is kinda like Ramadhan for Muslims...
as well as the Religious importance of each festival... there's the physical aspect where we kinda... make ourselves fitter... (if that makes sense)
a hindu will abstain form any "wrong food" (meat, alcohol etc) and the garba is a physical thing that makes them fitter...
a muslim controls what they eat when they're not fasting but during fastin hours obviously they don't eat... and the movements of the prayer is what is meant to keep them fit, as it supposedly uses every muscle in the body...
...it's kinda cool how you can find similarities in between religions...
kinda makes you smile :)
...Birthday Wishes...
he's 22 today...
wow! i first spoked to him when he was.. 18...
i don't know if i should call or text or even email him...
Shaaf didn't even remember my 18th...
have we totally finished our contact or whatever?
or is he just busy? or am i just too eager to stop speaking to him?
...not eager in the sense that i hate him or anything and i don't wanna speak to him...
but it's just... there's nothing more to our friendship anymore.... it's finished.. what's the point in tryna drag it on, when there's nothing there??
I know i SHOULD wish him happy birthday... if it was anyone else, friend, stranger, enemy i'd atleast wish them... but it's only with him when i get proud... that i feel that if he hasn't made any effort to contact me, why should i contact him?!
but at the same time, i remember just how much he meant to me, and how much he helped me...and that i owe it to him to still be nice to him and speak to him once in a while...
... sometimes i try and think what would've happened had i not misinterpreted my feelings?
would we still have been close friends?
it's only NOW that i've let Mimi and Mumu in my life totally!... before that it was only Shaaf who knew EVEYRTHING... i had a real friendship with him...
and to this day, i haven't met someone who i shared that same... connection... with...
i mean yea i love my mimi and mumu... and the rest of the M crew... but... Shaaf was... different...
maybe because i never had a brother figure in my life, i put him on a pedestal... i dunno... but i totallly looked up to him...
he motiviated me to do well on my GCSE's... no one else...
i mean, yea, my parents told me to do well, my mates were competing with me... but it didn't make me FEEEEEEL like i wanted to PROPERLY put myself into it...
it was Shaaf who saved me from myself those nights when i was being a mentalist....
not Mumu, not Ell, not Babey... it was Shaaf...
i still think what might have happened had he not spokened to me that night... i woulda just gone straight to sleep and have an overload of drugs messing around in my body....
...He is still really important to me, no matter how much i try and tell myself he isn't...
yea, i've gotten over the fact that we don't speak anymore... i've gotten over the fact that he speaks to Em still and sometimes even Ell and not me...
but it doesn't mean that i don't pray for him, that i don't care for him...
if i could... i would've called him up at 12am and wished him happy bday...
but, thing's aren't that simple...
things have changed, and i've left it too long to go crawling back to him...
i doubt he even remembers anything...
...Happy Birthday Angel... i pray Allah showers his blessings on you and that you get your hearts desires.... love from, Asshole....
wow! i first spoked to him when he was.. 18...
i don't know if i should call or text or even email him...
Shaaf didn't even remember my 18th...
have we totally finished our contact or whatever?
or is he just busy? or am i just too eager to stop speaking to him?
...not eager in the sense that i hate him or anything and i don't wanna speak to him...
but it's just... there's nothing more to our friendship anymore.... it's finished.. what's the point in tryna drag it on, when there's nothing there??
I know i SHOULD wish him happy birthday... if it was anyone else, friend, stranger, enemy i'd atleast wish them... but it's only with him when i get proud... that i feel that if he hasn't made any effort to contact me, why should i contact him?!
but at the same time, i remember just how much he meant to me, and how much he helped me...and that i owe it to him to still be nice to him and speak to him once in a while...
... sometimes i try and think what would've happened had i not misinterpreted my feelings?
would we still have been close friends?
it's only NOW that i've let Mimi and Mumu in my life totally!... before that it was only Shaaf who knew EVEYRTHING... i had a real friendship with him...
and to this day, i haven't met someone who i shared that same... connection... with...
i mean yea i love my mimi and mumu... and the rest of the M crew... but... Shaaf was... different...
maybe because i never had a brother figure in my life, i put him on a pedestal... i dunno... but i totallly looked up to him...
he motiviated me to do well on my GCSE's... no one else...
i mean, yea, my parents told me to do well, my mates were competing with me... but it didn't make me FEEEEEEL like i wanted to PROPERLY put myself into it...
it was Shaaf who saved me from myself those nights when i was being a mentalist....
not Mumu, not Ell, not Babey... it was Shaaf...
i still think what might have happened had he not spokened to me that night... i woulda just gone straight to sleep and have an overload of drugs messing around in my body....
...He is still really important to me, no matter how much i try and tell myself he isn't...
yea, i've gotten over the fact that we don't speak anymore... i've gotten over the fact that he speaks to Em still and sometimes even Ell and not me...
but it doesn't mean that i don't pray for him, that i don't care for him...
if i could... i would've called him up at 12am and wished him happy bday...
but, thing's aren't that simple...
things have changed, and i've left it too long to go crawling back to him...
i doubt he even remembers anything...
...Happy Birthday Angel... i pray Allah showers his blessings on you and that you get your hearts desires.... love from, Asshole....
Homework in year 2 - MeMe Style!
Meme has to learn about Florence Nightingale as part of his "homework" (he's a big boy now in year 2, so obviously they think he's big enough for homework... i'm not saying he can't do it.. it's just... he's still a babey )
It's really cute watching him learn... he used the bbc site where you can watch a little cartoon slideshow of her life...
He then tried teaching me about her...
(I have a theory that the only way you can learn something is if you teach it, so i made him teach it to me several times, before teaching my mum in our mother tongue...)
so he comes out with...
maybe it's one of those "you had to be there moments" but i felt like PISSING MYSELF with laughter... just the way he was saying it all...
sooooo cute!!!!
Coupla weeks earlier he had homework to do on someone else who was famous...he comes out with
"Giti!!! we have to go on google and look up Burns!!!"
Now, i thought he was talking about Mr. Burns from Simpsons and was tryna understand WHY he'd need to do research on him!
and he says
"He made EVERYTHING! he made schools and buildings and ships!!!"
and i was soooo confuzzled... so i googled the name Burns, and it came up with Robert burns... and i asked... did he write songs and poems???
and he's nodding enthusiastically
"YEA YEA YEA!! THAT'S HIM!!!"
so i wrote out the simple life story and made it look pretty and printed it out...
...turns out it was Brunel he was meant to research, and not Burns...
the only way i found out was when Meme said something about "he made a bridge, a ship and a train to london!"
Thank God! they hammered it in to my head at my school about Brunel, i couldn't really miss them clues...
but it was soo cute the way Meme thought it was about some guy who sang Auld Lang Syne! and he sooo thought he was right!!!
Sometimes i think, he's doing the stuff that i'm doing NOW!...
bless him!
It's really cute watching him learn... he used the bbc site where you can watch a little cartoon slideshow of her life...
He then tried teaching me about her...
(I have a theory that the only way you can learn something is if you teach it, so i made him teach it to me several times, before teaching my mum in our mother tongue...)
so he comes out with...
"She was born in Italy... and then she moved to England
her dad teached her Maths... she wanted to be a nurse, but her dad said
"No it's too dangerous!" ... and she ignored him, and became a
nurse...
and then turkey called her, so she went aaaaallll the way from England,
past France and Italy - that's where she was born, innit?! - and went to
Turkey.
She spoked to the doctors and she started to clean the floors, and the
rats.
and then all the soliders started getting better, cause she fed them
medicines...
and then when they got bettere again, she went back to
england.
She was famous, and the Queen gave an award, but she didn't want to be
famous.
She opened a school...
and then she died!"
maybe it's one of those "you had to be there moments" but i felt like PISSING MYSELF with laughter... just the way he was saying it all...
sooooo cute!!!!
Coupla weeks earlier he had homework to do on someone else who was famous...he comes out with
"Giti!!! we have to go on google and look up Burns!!!"
Now, i thought he was talking about Mr. Burns from Simpsons and was tryna understand WHY he'd need to do research on him!
and he says
"He made EVERYTHING! he made schools and buildings and ships!!!"
and i was soooo confuzzled... so i googled the name Burns, and it came up with Robert burns... and i asked... did he write songs and poems???
and he's nodding enthusiastically
"YEA YEA YEA!! THAT'S HIM!!!"
so i wrote out the simple life story and made it look pretty and printed it out...
...turns out it was Brunel he was meant to research, and not Burns...
the only way i found out was when Meme said something about "he made a bridge, a ship and a train to london!"
Thank God! they hammered it in to my head at my school about Brunel, i couldn't really miss them clues...
but it was soo cute the way Meme thought it was about some guy who sang Auld Lang Syne! and he sooo thought he was right!!!
Sometimes i think, he's doing the stuff that i'm doing NOW!...
bless him!
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