A little girl sitting next to the woman, confused but with a slight smile...
The woman is about to reach over to the girl for a hug or a kiss...
If you look closer you can see a tiny little new born baby, tucked out of sight...
I was that baby...
and that's been my story since...
even when the younger siblings came along... i was still pushed away into a corner, whilst she showered my siblings with love, hugs and praise.
When i was a bit older, i used to get upset at the tiniest of things, papa used to be out all the time, so i only had my mum to go to...
Many peoples used to see this and think i was the most favoured... but it was ME going to mum, not Her coming to me...
[I'll compare myself to Rani* mostest, cause we're closer in age and so it's easier to see our differences]
I started doing the housework from a young age, at first i used to help with just making the sitting room look tidy, then washing up cups and glasses... My older sister did nothing, she didn't even help with looking after my little sister...
I tell my 11 year old sister to help around the house now and i get "I'm only a kid, i shoudln't have to do ANYTHING"... yet when i was 10 i was shouted at if i hadn't washed up properly or if i didn't tidy up my OWN bed...
During my adolescent years, i rebelled... against everything...
I hated the culture created in our house... for years i had supressed what went on at home, but i started to break...
i told the girls at my school... coming from a sheltered rich high standard life, they couldn't even begin to imagine the basics of what was happening..
Mum was on anti-depressants, my elder sister having an online
relationship with a guy in the States who she had met twice in her life - once
as a child and once back home when on holiday, the younger sister learning how
to be a bitch and practising on me everyday...
I was taking care of my little brother...
It was as if i was describing a horror movie to these posh girls...
[i went to a private all girls' school on a full bursary, my sister went with 3/4 scholarship - again the 2nd bestness, she earnt hers, i won minez..
The girls attending were daughters of rich doctors, lawyers etc etc... 1 in 50 weren't caucasian... 2% of these non-whites were middle class citizens who were usually struggling to make ends meet.. ]
I saw the look on their faces whilst i told them... they didn't believe me; they even went as far as thinking I was making it up...
So i went back to supressing what was happening at home, that i was the black sheep of the family...
My sister breezed through school, getting mostly A-B grades... I usually scraped a B - again, 2nd best...
and now, I'm at college, finally with peoples from my own background, people who understand me... I'm acheiving more than i would've expected... yet i'm still not as good as any of my siblings... Rani* got AMAZING grades at AS and A2, i won't...
Rani* is allowed to study at a University in London, however, I'm not allowed to move out my house, let alone the city...
Yes, i have more independence than her and my parents are less strict with me, but that's because they still baby her... They mollycoddle her...
She's to start her 2nd year at uni, and she made my parents sort out her flat for her... So what if she's not living at home, she's still taggin onto my mum's achaal...
when it comes to relationships and marriage, Rani* has the upperhand... She's already singled out her "the One" and kudos to her... but we grew up accepting that we'd have an arranged marriage - NO NOT FORCED!... that our parents would have A LOT of say in the whole affair...
it just seems unfair that they're accepting Rani's choice without even giving the boy a once over!
Whereas with me, it'll be a process of THEM choosing a few suitable men, and asking me which one i think is best... and they'd choose them for their own tastes: family background, wealth, status, mannerisms, education....
they wouldn't stop to think about his personality, his leisure activities, his friends, whether he was able to support me emotionally.... I know they wouldn't cause that's not important to them..and they don't even know what i'm looking for, or what emotional or physical needs i have!
As long as he treats elders with respect, has lots of money, a respectable family and background and qualifications - he's WOOOOWWWWWW!!!....
Seeing as my wedding will probably be 2 or 3 years after Rani's, my parents will be in LOTS of debt... meaning i get a 2nd best wedding...
Everything is 2nd best... even our friends!!! My parents bumlick, buttsuck, ass rape - call it what you want - Rani's mates... even when they're SOOOOO annoying...
yet, they don't give 2 shits about my mates... even though it's these mates that are stopping me from doing stuff that would give the family shame...
The parents don't even wanna know.. i'd be surprised if they knew my two best mates names...
And so, by being 2nd best for such a long time, i have learnt to complain and moan about anything and everything to myself...
It's all because i wasn't a boy... i was a girl - i was 2nd best...
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