Blah.

He's gone.
He took his final breath on Saturday afternoon.

He had an almost smirk on his face.

Islam says that you mustn't mourn for more than three days.
I used to think it was ridiculous, especially if it was someone you loved and cared for dearly...
But, on this occasion, it made sense for me.

His funeral was on Monday.
My father took us to see him for one last time.
As we entered the Masjid door, my bhabhi and father started reciting
Ash hadu Allah ilaha illalahu
Wa ash hadu anna Muhammadan abdu hu wa rasooluh

The tears started immediately.
They say you should recite the declaration of faith near the dying/dead person.
I couldn't even say it properly.
I was scared.
Really scared.
I don't know what of.
...but I just felt fear in my stomach.

...and then I saw him.
Cloaked in white material, and smelling of rose water.
The smirk.
His wrinkles had vanished, and his skin was glowing.
He looked so... Pure.
So peaceful.
So... Happy.

The fear had gone.

I was sobbing.

A bittersweet moment.

In my eyes, it was evident that uncle was no longer suffering in any way.
He was happy.
However, it meant that that was it. I'd never see him again.
My uncle, who listened to my plans to marry Salman Khan, really had gone.

I really wished to kiss him, or stroke his head one last time.
...but I didn't want to dirty him.

Instead, I carried on trying to recite the two lines, and calmed myself down.

There's no point in crying, it will only hurt his soul.

It doesn't mean that I'm not upset, though.
I do miss him.
I've missed him for ten years.
...and now I miss him even more, because I know that I can't hop on a train and go and see him if I need to.
Not that I ever did, but the option was always there.

Death always brings up religion.
...and questions of spirituality.

I've been praying Salah the past week.
It's my own wish, my own desire.
I should respect my uncle enough to pray for him the way he taught me...
If what he believed is true, then I don't want to disappoint him when he looks down at his relations and sees who's doing what for him...

I finally finished reading the Qur'an.
He taught me how to read arabic, I owe it to him to atleast read it once.
I'm glad that I managed to finish it before he passed on...

All of this doesn't mean that I'm Muslim, though.
It doesn't mean I'm not Muslim, either.

I'm just doing what I think is right by my uncle.
...and I hope by doing so, he's able to rest in peace.