Missing HunchBack

So, it's been almost six months since I last saw Quasi.
It's been almost three months since I last had a decent conversation with my 'Modo.

I miss him.

But then, isn't this how I've spent the past two Summers?
He gets busy, I get busy, we forget about each other and go about our lives until one day during September we decide to check if the other is alive.

Why should this Summer be any different?
What, because I opened my legs to him?
Or caught myself wanting to say those three poncy words to him a few times?
Or because when he told me abouthis famil's plans, he mentioned how he had developed feelings for me?

It shouldn't change.

It doesn't stop me from missing him, though.

He's the only person who makes me feel like a vulnerable person.
Everyone else sees the Ness who takes care of her family.. the Ness who uses a screwdriver better than she does a dustpan and brush.. the Ness who has depended on no one but herself for the past four years.
They don't see the Ness who runs crying to Quasimodo whenever the tiniest thing upsets her... the Ness who needs Quasi's reassurance that her ideas and decisions will work... the Ness who depends on her 'Modo to keep her calm and focused.

So, I guess he's a weakness.
...and I should get rid.
...but this is the battle between desire, free will and sense.

With all the shit that's been going on recently, I really just wanted a good fuck session and get all the tension and emotions out of my system.
...but, how can I do that when I know that he's probably busy with rishta meetings, one after the other?
That, and we always miss each other on the phone.
I spoke to him briefly last Wednesday night, and I broke into tears straight away.
I said it was because I had an awful day, with driving and my uncle and stuff... But, I actually didn't know why I was crying so much.
Looking back, I guess it was then that I realised how much I had actually missed him since I last saw him in February.

Everything about the DeepNessy situation was fucked.
I hate not being able to talk to anyone about it.
Even Kenan gets pissed off when I mention him.
Smushy doesn't want to know.
...and all I want to do is offload.
I want to tell them how amazing he is in bed, and how much I miss him biting me.
I just don't have that chance, though.

Common sense tells me what to do.
I'm just too fucking stubborn to listen.
I am a three year old who keeps thinking about that toy on the adverts.
I want to stomp my feet, and scream until I get it.
...but I can't.

...and I know I can't.
That's what's even more upsetting.